When I Asked You If You Loved Me

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by Diana Marcos

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When I asked you if you loved me,
you turned your back and refused to face me
“Of course, I do,” that was what you said
But I never knew what was going on in your head.

When I asked you if you loved me,
I was hoping you would say the words immediately
But you just smiled at me with your captivating caramel eyes
And I could not decipher whether or not they were just expressing lies.

When I asked you if you loved me,
you walked a few steps away from me,
You looked at me with disappointment
When all I wanted was acknowledgement.

When I asked you if you loved me,
I was confused with the response you gave me
You planted a kiss on top of my head
You squeezed my body under the sheets in your bed.

When I asked you if you loved me,
I asked not because I believed you didn’t
I knew you did, but I wanted to be reminded
But all you believed in was that you weren’t trusted.

When I asked you if you loved me,
I didn’t foresee that you would leave me,
With all the happy memories you had shared with me
I never knew you had the capacity to forget me that quickly.

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II Senses VI: Cold Sheets

 

An empty bed found under cold sheets

the comfort I feel

does not compare to what you give me

when you lay underneath.

A heart is frozen

within these covers,

and only you can make it warm

with your presence

and the love you shower.

A heart is lonely

inside its parameters,

and only you can heat up

the ice that numbs it

and stops  it from beating.

If these sheets could talk

I would ask them to tell you

how much I long for you

to touch every inch

of me.

If only these sheets could walk,

I want them to go straight

to where you are

so you could feel

me within your arms.

Once again,

my love.

Only for tonight.

 

II Senses IV: Say My Name

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Say my name out loud
until you forget
all the other people
who have ever felt
your heart
through your skin,
and heard your thoughts
through your screams;
just say my name
and I will be in your dreams.

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Game of Thorns

Thorns never meant to harm;

but they could dig

through your skin and slowly

eat your soul

like the words 

I would say to you

the moment you make me

realize I have had enough

of your games.

Ephemeral

Roses never die;

they wither

like the ephemeral thoughts

I have about you

and the useless

feelings you have

for me.

Petals

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I got rid of all my petals

Only to find out

I just wasted my love.

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Senses XVIII: Delightfully Heart Sore

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My heart is sore and my eyes are tired,
My blood is boiling at 212 Fahrenheit,
My veins are branching out with all its might,
while my body is convulsing with so much fright
As your hands land on my skin again tonight,
I’d dream of the very first time I have seen you psyched
At the way I have desired you to conquer my light
while the moon mocks me with so much delight.

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Senses XVI: Wanted

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I woke up this morning
to find the bruises you left
still stamped on my knees —
a mark of your nonexistent love
a proof of my demise
I remembered the way
your hands landed on my hips
I wanted you to touch me
in places no one
had ever touched before,
I wanted you to lay me
on my back —
to conquer not only my thoughts
my heart, my soul,
but my entire body
I wanted to belong
in your arms,
for you to own me not only for a night
but until the last star in the sky
stopped flickering,
I wanted you to whisper my name
while your heart beat
slower and faster
at the same exact time
I wanted you to tell me
I was your only one
and that you weren’t going to let me go
even until my last sunrise
I remembered how
you didn’t have to wipe my tears
that night I gave in to my emotions
the way you held me
close to your chest
and the way you safeguard my body
was enough to keep my heart warm
I wanted to learn from you
to get to know you
by just tracing
your well-sculpted body
with my tiny hands
I wanted to make love
with the way you think
the way you talk
and the way you make me fall
into the abyss of your charm
I wanted you to greet me
in the morning with a smile,
to laugh with me
while I felt embarrassed about
what has transpired the other night
I wanted you to tell me
I was beautiful even with my hair
scattered all over your face
— to let me know
that you had fallen
not only for what your eyes could see
but also for my entirety
And despite my cry of disappointment
I still wanted you,
and I would do you
in my dreams
in my reality
over and over again.

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Never Again

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You saw the weak side of me —
the side I would never let anyone uncover
but I let you in and showed you
the things only I was supposed to know
only to be used by you against me later on
It was a mistake that cannot be undone;
it was a lesson that cannot be unlearned
it was something that I can never take back
and something I won’t dare do again.

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Sometimes Always

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Sometimes I get you
Sometimes I don’t
So many times we’ve been in this cycle
and this cycle goes on forever

Sometimes you want me
Sometimes you don’t
Quite a lot of times you call me in the middle of the night
and ask me if I’m alright

Sometimes I hate you
Sometimes I don’t
But most of the time I long for your touch
and everything that you deprive me of

Sometimes you need me
Sometimes you don’t
So many times I like to go back
to when you crave for me the most

Sometimes I love you
Who am I kidding?
Darling, despite everything you put me through
You know I do, I always do.

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One Day

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One day you will forget
how much I love you
how much I need you
how much you mean to me.

You will forget
that I have always wanted you
that I have always cared about you
that I can’t live without you.

And when that day comes,
I hope you remember
that you are my world,
my entire universe.

And I will always wait for you,
Even in the afterlife
And I know it’s going to worth it
Even if I die a million times.

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Let Me Love You

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Let me love you
The way you want me to
For in that way I know
You wouldn’t be able to say no.


Let me love you
The way that you wake up in the morning
Slowly but surely
There’s no point of running.


Let me love you
And you don’t have to love me back
For my love for you is enough
To make my heart and soul contract.

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You Used To…

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You used to love the idea of being next to me

Laying in bed with your arms wrapped around me

With your lips on my bare shoulders

tracing every vein constricted within my skin.

You used to love the idea of listening to my voice when I was sleepy

or when I woke up before I took a sip of my morning coffee

while you lay in bed staring at me

trying to memorize every part of my naked body.

You used to love the idea of interlacing your fingers with mine

when the warmth of my palms had always made you feel divine

when calling your name sent shivers down your spine

and you kept wanting more because you knew that by then you would be fine.

You used to love the idea of watching me doze off

into deep slumber until you were sure I could never get away

when you never really had to worry about it even when life gets even tough

because I would always be here waiting coldly under your warm velvet duvet.

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Remember Me

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I am not asking
for us to be together
but remember me
when you feel you are unloved
I am still waiting
for that day you are ready
to say you love me.

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Senses XV: Good Night

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Getting love drunk in a dark room
The only source of light —
the one that came from the moon
A cup of bliss in my trembling hand
My legs still sore and burning
Aching for the love that only the Sun could offer
You stared at me, your light brown orbs melting my soul
Forcing my body into deep slumber
My heart thumping like it never did before
You mumbled and called my name
like it was the very first time you said it
making sure you would still be lying here with me in the morning
You said it like you loved me more than anything
Like you have said it so many times before

And it was a feeling like no other.

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Silence and Heartbeats

 

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There is beauty and pain in silence
that I both hate and love at the same time;
It is beautiful when my eyes meet your gaze
and without saying a word
our heartbeats seem to connect as one;
It is painful when you look the other way
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My Little Jealous Heart

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My little jealous heart is a little jealous of your big confident heart,
yet it cannot help but feel a little bit more crazy for you since the very start.

My little jealous heart is a little insecure and intimidated by you,
it burns by your presence and melts by the sight of you.

My little jealous heart wants no competition,
for it knows you would do better without it in your possession.

My little jealous heart aches for you every single day,
and it wishes you would do the same without being scared away.

My little jealous heart wishes all the best for you,
and so it is slowly changing just to be perfect for you.

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Fantastic You and I

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He said, “Write anything under the sun. Write about your hopes and dreams.” I said, “I do. I always write about you.”

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We are a team —
You and I.

I wish not to ever leave your side.
I wish not to be kicked out of your life.

I wish to be the only person who get to see your everyday smile.
And I wish to be the one holding your hand every single time.

And if you ever leave,
worry not about me my love,
for you are
and you will always be
stuck in my mind.

In every single second
you are not around,
I keep you in the
innermost part of my heart
guarded by rose thorns
and secured with my undying love.

And if you ever come to me,
I wish not to see the lines
on your forehead forever stuck,
I wish not to see your brows
all lined up in just one direction,
and that the only line I will ever get to see
is the upward curve of your lips
while you stare into my eyes
and melt my heart and soul at the same time.

And we will be happy
For you are my fantastic love,
and I am yours —

We are fantastic, You and I.

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Senses XIV: The Sun, the Moon and the Star

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You
don’t deserve
the Sun
if you only
choose
to see it shine
and refuse
to feel the flames
of its desire.
You
don’t deserve
the moon
if you only
wish to see it glow
and never want
to see
how much darkness
it could show.
You
don’t deserve
the star
if you are only
blinded by its light
and never desire
to catch it
when it falls.
You
don’t deserve
a woman
if you only wish
to take away
her shine, her light and glow
and never plan
to feel, to see and to get to know.

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Senses XII: Longing and Falling

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I long for
the touch your hands
haven’t done
and the kiss
your lips haven’t
planted on mine
I crave
the warmth your
body hasn’t offered
and the comfort
your arms haven’t
secured around me
I miss you
without having to
know if I’m entitled
to feel it
or whether or not
you deserve it
And I fall for you
without judgment
sporadically
clouding my mind
for this is what I do
I long for you
without wanting to know
if you long for me, too.

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