When I Asked You If You Loved Me

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by Diana Marcos

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When I asked you if you loved me,
you turned your back and refused to face me
“Of course, I do,” that was what you said
But I never knew what was going on in your head.

When I asked you if you loved me,
I was hoping you would say the words immediately
But you just smiled at me with your captivating caramel eyes
And I could not decipher whether or not they were just expressing lies.

When I asked you if you loved me,
you walked a few steps away from me,
You looked at me with disappointment
When all I wanted was acknowledgement.

When I asked you if you loved me,
I was confused with the response you gave me
You planted a kiss on top of my head
You squeezed my body under the sheets in your bed.

When I asked you if you loved me,
I asked not because I believed you didn’t
I knew you did, but I wanted to be reminded
But all you believed in was that you weren’t trusted.

When I asked you if you loved me,
I didn’t foresee that you would leave me,
With all the happy memories you had shared with me
I never knew you had the capacity to forget me that quickly.

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Thank You and Goodbye

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A poem written by Kristine Pineda for Toast&Tea

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I’d be lying if I told you, I didn’t love you
I’d be lying if I told you, I hated you
You were my one great love
that I asked from above.

I’d be lying if I told you, I stopped thinking of you
And I’d be lying if I told you, I don’t miss you
You still cross my mind
Our memories — good and bad, combined.

I thought I would be okay
Until I caught myself staring at the bay
I am getting weak and this is wrong
Wish I could be strong.

I wish I could erase all the memories
That turned instantly into tears
You’re one of the best
But you turned out to be just a guest.

In a heart I own
In these lips that is always on frown
You made these little mouth smile
From the love we had from a thousand mile.

Now I’m saying goodbye
And I wish I could fake the smile in my eye
But one has to walk away
And go on every single day.

I thank you for the smiles
We have shared even from the miles
Hoping this will be the last
And for us to heal fast.

As I write this, I wish you nothing but the best
And just let our hearts take a rest
As I say goodbye to someone
that I don’t want to be addressed.

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Kristine Pineda is a twenty-five year-old Filipina living in New Jersey. She is the author of The Blank PolaroidsShe loves photography, writing short poems and short notes about love and life. 

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My Everything

She could give you everything

you want and surely,

she would still have something

left for herself;

I don’t have everything

you want,

but I would give you my everything

even if that means

nothing would be left

for myself.

 

II Senses VII: Coffee Shop

And I will remember youeverywhere I go —

Your taste, your scent.

Your breath, your lips

pressed on my neck.

Your touch, your stare

will forever linger in the air.

A memory of you

A memory of me right next to you.

A memory of us sitting silently

in a coffee shop.

Not talking to each other,

but holding each other’s hands

Savoring every moment

Without saying a single word.

Just you.

Just us.

Just you and I.

II Senses VI: Cold Sheets

 

An empty bed found under cold sheets

the comfort I feel

does not compare to what you give me

when you lay underneath.

A heart is frozen

within these covers,

and only you can make it warm

with your presence

and the love you shower.

A heart is lonely

inside its parameters,

and only you can heat up

the ice that numbs it

and stops  it from beating.

If these sheets could talk

I would ask them to tell you

how much I long for you

to touch every inch

of me.

If only these sheets could walk,

I want them to go straight

to where you are

so you could feel

me within your arms.

Once again,

my love.

Only for tonight.

 

II Senses V: When I Look At You

I wonder how you feel
when I look at you.
Do you get
uncomfortable
as I stare at your
physique, or
when I examine
every part of your body
with my eyes?
I wonder how you feel
every time I study
your every angle
and every curve,
and how you curse
yourself within your head
when you get too affected;
And I wonder
if you know
when I look at you,
your eyes take me to
a different place
and your face looks like
art that deserves
to be praised
I wish I could
freeze the time
so I could enjoy
just watching you
live your life
and I’d be happy
just admiring you
from afar
and greeting you
countless goodnights.

Start to End

There is nothing more

I can say to you

than to tell you how much

I am proud of you.

You make me happy

But can’t you see?

We’re not meant to be

Everything is just too much for me.

I’d like to continue

Whatever we have

But I don’t know where to start

nor I know where to end.

If it’s going to end

I better start now

I’m sorry, my love

But I gotta do it somehow.

II Senses IV: Say My Name

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Say my name out loud
until you forget
all the other people
who have ever felt
your heart
through your skin,
and heard your thoughts
through your screams;
just say my name
and I will be in your dreams.

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II Senses III: Never Hold Back

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Put your hands
on my chest,
dig your nails
and crush my legs,
feel my clavicle
then leave a trace,
curse my name
with so much grace
Always remember
you are my thunder —
you can get mad
and you can get loud,
you can attack,
just never hold back.

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Game of Thorns

Thorns never meant to harm;

but they could dig

through your skin and slowly

eat your soul

like the words 

I would say to you

the moment you make me

realize I have had enough

of your games.

Ephemeral

Roses never die;

they wither

like the ephemeral thoughts

I have about you

and the useless

feelings you have

for me.

You Can Do Better

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She has yet to learn
the things you already knew
She knows she is young --


Mind your own business
No one is doing you harm
You don't have to hate


You think you know her
But you overanalyze 
Like a psycho bitch


You are beautiful
Though only in the surface
You can do better.

 

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Note: This is probably the most shallow haiku series I have ever done, but I need to express myself in written words to make myself and everyone out there who are often misjudged feel better. Sometimes people are really so judgmental and insensitive, and you just gotta learn how to be strong on your own and not care much about them. Just because they know a bit of your life, they assume that they already know everything that’s in your heart, mind, and soul. I know that these people are hard to avoid, and things like this happen…but how I wish people stop analyzing other people’s way of living and just mind their own selves.

Enamorarse

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Enamorada —
I am a woman in love —
in love with so many things:
the moon
the sun
the stars that make up
the galaxies
the constellations
the universe.
I am in love
with the beauty of life —
the evening air
the breeze that comes
from the waves in the ocean
the mist, the cold
the droplets of excess water
that fall down
from the leaves of pine trees.
I am in love
with the way the sun
burns my skin
in the summer,
with the sound
of birds singing above
the imaginary wires that
connect me to you,
with the smell
of freshly-cut roses.
I am in love
with music,
with movements,
with people
with you
I am a woman in love —
For you, enamorado
I will always be.

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Beauty in Her Eyes

She looked at her dress

the way a little girl stared at a popsicle;

Amazed by its color and beauty, 

unaware of her own magnificence.

Love Gallivant

~ gallivanting about the city,

asking strangers to take photos of me |

dyeing my hair even darker,

looking in all the wrong places for a lover.

Petals

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I got rid of all my petals

Only to find out

I just wasted my love.

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II Senses I: Landmark

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the city I want to
build my empire in,
I want to own you;
to possess you;
to dig my nails in you,
I want to learn
every bits and pieces
that make up
your entire existence,
I want to plant
my future in you
In your soiled body
In your concrete heart
I would lay my hands
in every part of you
You who make my soul rejoice
You who make my body convulse
with the fact that you —
You are my favorite landmark —
a landmark I yearn for
every single split second;
A place I will always
go back to.

Note: This is Chapter II of my Senses poetry series. I hope you enjoyed it! ❤🌻

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Senses XX: The End

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Please let me go

I don’t want to beg

If you no longer care

this is the end;

I don’t want your hands

anywhere near me

I no longer want your eyes

feasting on my body;

I do not want your palms

resting on my chest,

I no longer want your thighs

rubbing against my legs,

I do not want to see your body

lying next to me at night,

I no longer want to know

if we’re going to be alright;

Since it’s the end

I want you to know

If you do not love me

Please let me go.

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Thank you so much to everyone who has read my “Senses” poetry series. Unfortunately, this may be the last installation. I hope you enjoyed it so far.

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Senses XIX: Never Stop

It’s no longer a secret

how much I love you —

I love you so much

I find it hard to breathe;

I love you so much

I long for you

even with the shortest

distance between us;

I love you so much

I can never stop

staring at you —

your beautiful brown eyes,

your face,

your shoulder,

your arms,

your body;

I love you so much

I can never stop secretly

admiring your beauty;

I love you so much

And I will never ever stop

even when the day comes

you want me

to stop breathing for you.

Senses XVIII: Delightfully Heart Sore

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My heart is sore and my eyes are tired,
My blood is boiling at 212 Fahrenheit,
My veins are branching out with all its might,
while my body is convulsing with so much fright
As your hands land on my skin again tonight,
I’d dream of the very first time I have seen you psyched
At the way I have desired you to conquer my light
while the moon mocks me with so much delight.

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