Thank You and Goodbye

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A poem written by Kristine Pineda for Toast&Tea

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I’d be lying if I told you, I didn’t love you
I’d be lying if I told you, I hated you
You were my one great love
that I asked from above.

I’d be lying if I told you, I stopped thinking of you
And I’d be lying if I told you, I don’t miss you
You still cross my mind
Our memories — good and bad, combined.

I thought I would be okay
Until I caught myself staring at the bay
I am getting weak and this is wrong
Wish I could be strong.

I wish I could erase all the memories
That turned instantly into tears
You’re one of the best
But you turned out to be just a guest.

In a heart I own
In these lips that is always on frown
You made these little mouth smile
From the love we had from a thousand mile.

Now I’m saying goodbye
And I wish I could fake the smile in my eye
But one has to walk away
And go on every single day.

I thank you for the smiles
We have shared even from the miles
Hoping this will be the last
And for us to heal fast.

As I write this, I wish you nothing but the best
And just let our hearts take a rest
As I say goodbye to someone
that I don’t want to be addressed.

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Kristine Pineda is a twenty-five year-old Filipina living in New Jersey. She is the author of The Blank PolaroidsShe loves photography, writing short poems and short notes about love and life. 

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II Senses VII: Coffee Shop

And I will remember youeverywhere I go —

Your taste, your scent.

Your breath, your lips

pressed on my neck.

Your touch, your stare

will forever linger in the air.

A memory of you

A memory of me right next to you.

A memory of us sitting silently

in a coffee shop.

Not talking to each other,

but holding each other’s hands

Savoring every moment

Without saying a single word.

Just you.

Just us.

Just you and I.

II Senses VI: Cold Sheets

 

An empty bed found under cold sheets

the comfort I feel

does not compare to what you give me

when you lay underneath.

A heart is frozen

within these covers,

and only you can make it warm

with your presence

and the love you shower.

A heart is lonely

inside its parameters,

and only you can heat up

the ice that numbs it

and stops  it from beating.

If these sheets could talk

I would ask them to tell you

how much I long for you

to touch every inch

of me.

If only these sheets could walk,

I want them to go straight

to where you are

so you could feel

me within your arms.

Once again,

my love.

Only for tonight.

 

II Senses V: When I Look At You

I wonder how you feel
when I look at you.
Do you get
uncomfortable
as I stare at your
physique, or
when I examine
every part of your body
with my eyes?
I wonder how you feel
every time I study
your every angle
and every curve,
and how you curse
yourself within your head
when you get too affected;
And I wonder
if you know
when I look at you,
your eyes take me to
a different place
and your face looks like
art that deserves
to be praised
I wish I could
freeze the time
so I could enjoy
just watching you
live your life
and I’d be happy
just admiring you
from afar
and greeting you
countless goodnights.

Start to End

There is nothing more

I can say to you

than to tell you how much

I am proud of you.

You make me happy

But can’t you see?

We’re not meant to be

Everything is just too much for me.

I’d like to continue

Whatever we have

But I don’t know where to start

nor I know where to end.

If it’s going to end

I better start now

I’m sorry, my love

But I gotta do it somehow.

II Senses IV: Say My Name

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Say my name out loud
until you forget
all the other people
who have ever felt
your heart
through your skin,
and heard your thoughts
through your screams;
just say my name
and I will be in your dreams.

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II Senses III: Never Hold Back

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Put your hands
on my chest,
dig your nails
and crush my legs,
feel my clavicle
then leave a trace,
curse my name
with so much grace
Always remember
you are my thunder —
you can get mad
and you can get loud,
you can attack,
just never hold back.

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Game of Thorns

Thorns never meant to harm;

but they could dig

through your skin and slowly

eat your soul

like the words 

I would say to you

the moment you make me

realize I have had enough

of your games.

Ephemeral

Roses never die;

they wither

like the ephemeral thoughts

I have about you

and the useless

feelings you have

for me.

Enamorarse

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Enamorada —
I am a woman in love —
in love with so many things:
the moon
the sun
the stars that make up
the galaxies
the constellations
the universe.
I am in love
with the beauty of life —
the evening air
the breeze that comes
from the waves in the ocean
the mist, the cold
the droplets of excess water
that fall down
from the leaves of pine trees.
I am in love
with the way the sun
burns my skin
in the summer,
with the sound
of birds singing above
the imaginary wires that
connect me to you,
with the smell
of freshly-cut roses.
I am in love
with music,
with movements,
with people
with you
I am a woman in love —
For you, enamorado
I will always be.

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II Senses II: Craving

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I crave for
a love
I have never
felt before;
for a smile
no one
could ever ignore;
for a touch
only your
hands could
make;
for warm,
tight squeezes
for goodnight kisses
for morning greetings
for your body
pressed
against my back
every sunset
every sunrise
I crave
for you to crave
for me
the way plants
crave for sunlight
during rainy season
the way nightwalkers
wait for the sun
to move down
the horizon
during the
summer solstice —
strong,
impatient,
vulnerable,
yet intense.

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Beauty in Her Eyes

She looked at her dress

the way a little girl stared at a popsicle;

Amazed by its color and beauty, 

unaware of her own magnificence.

Love Gallivant

~ gallivanting about the city,

asking strangers to take photos of me |

dyeing my hair even darker,

looking in all the wrong places for a lover.

Petals

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I got rid of all my petals

Only to find out

I just wasted my love.

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II Senses I: Landmark

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the city I want to
build my empire in,
I want to own you;
to possess you;
to dig my nails in you,
I want to learn
every bits and pieces
that make up
your entire existence,
I want to plant
my future in you
In your soiled body
In your concrete heart
I would lay my hands
in every part of you
You who make my soul rejoice
You who make my body convulse
with the fact that you —
You are my favorite landmark —
a landmark I yearn for
every single split second;
A place I will always
go back to.

Note: This is Chapter II of my Senses poetry series. I hope you enjoyed it! ❤🌻

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Senses XIX: Never Stop

It’s no longer a secret

how much I love you —

I love you so much

I find it hard to breathe;

I love you so much

I long for you

even with the shortest

distance between us;

I love you so much

I can never stop

staring at you —

your beautiful brown eyes,

your face,

your shoulder,

your arms,

your body;

I love you so much

I can never stop secretly

admiring your beauty;

I love you so much

And I will never ever stop

even when the day comes

you want me

to stop breathing for you.

Senses XVII: How Much I Love

 

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I can no longer count

the many times

I have to stop myself

from saying I love you.

I love you

with a love

bigger than

the moon and the sun

combined;

wider than

all the galaxies

hiding above the sky;

higher than

the sun could

ever, ever rise;

longer than

the miles

a bird could learn to fly;

and deeper than

the inner core

of all the planets combined.

I love you more

than the many times

I don’t remember

how to breathe;

I love you too much

I have to stop myself

from saying it

every time we kiss.

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Senses XVI: Wanted

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I woke up this morning
to find the bruises you left
still stamped on my knees —
a mark of your nonexistent love
a proof of my demise
I remembered the way
your hands landed on my hips
I wanted you to touch me
in places no one
had ever touched before,
I wanted you to lay me
on my back —
to conquer not only my thoughts
my heart, my soul,
but my entire body
I wanted to belong
in your arms,
for you to own me not only for a night
but until the last star in the sky
stopped flickering,
I wanted you to whisper my name
while your heart beat
slower and faster
at the same exact time
I wanted you to tell me
I was your only one
and that you weren’t going to let me go
even until my last sunrise
I remembered how
you didn’t have to wipe my tears
that night I gave in to my emotions
the way you held me
close to your chest
and the way you safeguard my body
was enough to keep my heart warm
I wanted to learn from you
to get to know you
by just tracing
your well-sculpted body
with my tiny hands
I wanted to make love
with the way you think
the way you talk
and the way you make me fall
into the abyss of your charm
I wanted you to greet me
in the morning with a smile,
to laugh with me
while I felt embarrassed about
what has transpired the other night
I wanted you to tell me
I was beautiful even with my hair
scattered all over your face
— to let me know
that you had fallen
not only for what your eyes could see
but also for my entirety
And despite my cry of disappointment
I still wanted you,
and I would do you
in my dreams
in my reality
over and over again.

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Never Again

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You saw the weak side of me —
the side I would never let anyone uncover
but I let you in and showed you
the things only I was supposed to know
only to be used by you against me later on
It was a mistake that cannot be undone;
it was a lesson that cannot be unlearned
it was something that I can never take back
and something I won’t dare do again.

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Sometimes Always

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Sometimes I get you
Sometimes I don’t
So many times we’ve been in this cycle
and this cycle goes on forever

Sometimes you want me
Sometimes you don’t
Quite a lot of times you call me in the middle of the night
and ask me if I’m alright

Sometimes I hate you
Sometimes I don’t
But most of the time I long for your touch
and everything that you deprive me of

Sometimes you need me
Sometimes you don’t
So many times I like to go back
to when you crave for me the most

Sometimes I love you
Who am I kidding?
Darling, despite everything you put me through
You know I do, I always do.

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