I am that girl most people I’ve been with would probably think of as “the one that got away.” I always get away. Always. Not because I want to…but because people let me go.
It’s almost four in the morning, and I found myself reading a message I just received from one of the ghosts of my past.
"Hey. I am just wondering how you've been."
How many times have I received a message like this before? How many times have I seen unknown numbers of different people pop up on my phone screen at 4am, telling me they miss me, or that they have been thinking about me and that they are sorry? How many times have I witnessed my phone ring several times in a day from people who “just want to hear my voice?” I can no longer count it with my fingers, and I also can’t stop but wonder…why?
Why do people do this? And why me? Was I born to be that person whose worth will only be realized once I am out of people’s lives?
No. Of course, not. I am worthy of the best things in life. I know how good I am, and unfortunately for some people, it takes them a long time to see and think about the goodness in a person. It isn’t their fault their realization of things are a bit slower, but it is never my fault as well.
I’ve always been the one that people will let go of, and then decide to come back to after…only to find out, they have no one to go back to anymore. And that’s a good thing. I can no longer pick up what I’ve already thrown away unless I’ve loved it ever so dearly that I would put away my pride to pick it up again.
As Passenger’s song goes,
Well, you only need the light when it's burning low Only miss the sun when it starts to snow Only know you love her when you let her go...
It’s also funny how people will only realize they actually want to keep you in their life once they see how happy you are without them, and when you’ve already found someone new that puts a smile on your face better than they used to.
And for the first time in years, someone is not letting me slip away…no matter how many times I feel myself drifting. I’ve never felt like this before.