I Love You, Goodbye

HorizontalBar_2

A post about one of the struggles of being in an LDR, written by Kat Fabronero for Toast&Tea

HorizontalBar_2

They say that when you love someone you have to set them free. Today—or rather, in a few days time—I shall set him free.

I had always wondered what happened months ago when he had changed — what made him change. He was no longer the person I knew during those first few months into the relationship. It was a sign, perhaps, that this LDR journey would not last but I refused to acknowledge it.

I said yes when he proposed albeit informally; I wanted him in my life. I continued to persevere and placed my all into making it work even if time and again, he casually shrugged off all of my efforts. He was crass, insensitive, regardless of my feelings for him. What should’ve been the wake-up call for me months ago should’ve been the end of everything.

But I loved him and I was willing to tolerate that slight.

Heart still in tatters, I moved on, telling myself that I should be understanding, more forgiving, more thankful that he and I still communicate despite the red lights flashing. He was no longer interested in me as person…just my looks, it seems.

I still held on.

It was a decision that was influenced by his surprise video calls and unexpected serenades. I would instantly melt, for crying out loud! However, our texts and communication grew more and more scarce, with me always initiating a “conversation” inquiring how his side of the world was doing.

I never got a response right away even every time I saw that he was online. Mostly, he would reply the day after but with only a few words. I tried to give him a day or two for him to try initiate a talk with me but it didn’t work. It broke my heart to see this relationship crumbling into bits. But like a person in love, I still held on despite signs telling me the opposite.

I should’ve let him go when we had turned one, and he mocked my efforts to greet him. Prior to that, I sent him pictures of me making a countdown to our special day. On the day of our first anniversary, I had sacrificed sleep to buy mini cupcakes that spelled the words “I love you”. I was hoping for a Skype call—even if it would just be for 5 minutes. Yet, the celebration I was hoping for did not happen. To top it off, he just laughed at the photo of the mini cupcakes. It was like being slapped in the face.

I realized that I was not a priority. I was never a priority. I was not in his priority list.

He made that clear when I asked him what he envisions himself 5 years from now. In that vision, I wasn’t in it despite what we had discussed in those early days. In his life, I did not exist. No one knew of my existence.

Here I was, shouting to the world that he’s my man, but I…I was but a shadow in his.

I’ve had enough.

I’m tired of all the chasing. My heart is exhausted from breaking apart time and again. My heart could only tolerate so much.

Even if it pains me to do so, even if it hurts I have to let this go.

Let him go. For his sake.

For my sake.

HorizontalBar_2

Kat Fabronero is a registered nurse, frustrated creative writer, food addict, bookworm, and the author of The Fat Kat. She is  passionate about British history, and she loves to play video games.

HorizontalBar_2

Got any comments or advice? Just comment below. Thank you! 🙂

Advertisements

When I Asked You If You Loved Me

HorizontalBar_2

by Diana Marcos

HorizontalBar_2

When I asked you if you loved me,
you turned your back and refused to face me
“Of course, I do,” that was what you said
But I never knew what was going on in your head.

When I asked you if you loved me,
I was hoping you would say the words immediately
But you just smiled at me with your captivating caramel eyes
And I could not decipher whether or not they were just expressing lies.

When I asked you if you loved me,
you walked a few steps away from me,
You looked at me with disappointment
When all I wanted was acknowledgement.

When I asked you if you loved me,
I was confused with the response you gave me
You planted a kiss on top of my head
You squeezed my body under the sheets in your bed.

When I asked you if you loved me,
I asked not because I believed you didn’t
I knew you did, but I wanted to be reminded
But all you believed in was that you weren’t trusted.

When I asked you if you loved me,
I didn’t foresee that you would leave me,
With all the happy memories you had shared with me
I never knew you had the capacity to forget me that quickly.

HorizontalBar_2

SignatureFlag

Open Letter: Just Let Them Go

HorizontalBar_2

How many times have you blamed yourself for whatever happened to people you used to care about? Has this helped you feel better in any way? I sure am not. Hence, instead of constantly blaming yourself for a failed relationship or friendship, it would be better for you to just let go. Let go of people. Let go of yourself. Let go of your feelings. But when do you know it is time to let go and which people do you need to disassociate yourself with?

WHO TO LET GO

01 That person who ONLY talks to you when s/he needs something from you.

Sometimes you meet someone and at first, things go really well between the two of you…until you notice that you have started talking to each other less and less. And one day, this person comes to you and asks you for help. Of course, being the good person that you are, you will help him/her, and s/he goes on with his/her life once again.

02 That person who only talks about himself/herself.

This person does not ask about you after you ask her how his/her day has been. This is the person who does not ask for your opinion or reaction right after s/he shares his/hers and would go on talking until s/he can’t say anything anymore.

03 That person who only listens so s/he could talk, or that friend who doesn’t listen at all.

Yes, s/he listens to you, but only because s/he wants to say something about it. Sometimes, s/he even pretends to listen and becomes impatient and hurry you up, so s/he could finally share his/her thoughts.

04 That person who only sees you as a rebound friend, manipulates you and guilt-trips you.

S/he only knows you when his/her other friends are not around,and s/he tries to manipulate you to get what s/he wants. S/he constantly asks for your attention when  no one is giving it to him/her, and would guilt-trip you when s/he is not getting anything from you.

05 That person who only remembers you during the bad times.

I mean…it is very nice to think that someone remembers you during their bad days, but if they are only there with you because they know you would help them feel better, is that still a good thing? Definitely not. This person would surely forget you exist once their bad days are over.

06 That person who only sees your bad qualities and does not recognize the good things you have done.

There are people who always see the best in you, while there are also some who only remember you for your bad qualities. Everyone has their own dark side, but if a person only sees the bad in you, and does not recognize that you also have good qualities, then you will just spend your life trying to figure out why this person does not see you the way others do.

07 That person whose behavior changes according to people s/he is with.

We cannot avoid meeting and interacting with someone whose behavioral acts differ according to the people they are with. One time, they are so good around you, and the next time they are with another group of people, they change, and they treat you a bit differently.

08 That person who forgets to invite you.

There is nothing more painful than not being invited to a party, an outing, an event or even to dinner by someone you expect to be your friend. It makes you feel like you are just an option and your presence does notreally matter that much.

09 That person who doesn’t bother to call when you are sick or when you are in a terrible situation.

This person wouldn’t dare to call because s/he doesn’t care whether or not you are coping up well or not.

10 That person who does not care whether or not you let go of him/her.

It is hard to accept, but there are people who do not see our importance in their lives. If you do not matter to someone, then s/he wouldn’t care whether or not you stay or leave.

At first, you will of course try your best to work things out, but if it doesn’t work out and you’re the only one trying to make an effort, then have a little respect for yourself and open your eyes to the fact that it is not going to work out anymore.

Letting go of these kinds of people are sometimes the best thing one can do. It may make you look selfish and insensitive, but you have to remember that before you have to offer your love and trust to people, you have to trust and love youself first. You have to focus on what makes you happy, and remember not to give everything, as it may just cause you pain in the long run.

Don’t ever blame yourself for a failed relationship. Don’t be so hard on yourself. People come and go, and it isn’t your fault. Sometimes people have to leave because it is for the best.

When your relationship or your friendship is no longer growing, but is slowly going down the drain instead, and you can no longer do anything to work it out, letting go is sometimes the better option than staying and letting the relationship ruin each of you.

When you decide to let go of the people that once meant so much to you, sometimes you won’t help but feel guilty. You feel guilty for letting things get in the way. You’d also probably feel like a loser because you are choosing to give up.

But no…giving up doesn’t always make you a loser. It makes you a winner because you have the courage and strength to let go of something that was very important to you, but doesn’t see your importance.

You have to remember that you are one special piece of snowflake, and you, just like everyone else, deserve better.

HorizontalBar_2

SignatureFlag

I Am a Strong WOman

HorizontalBar_2

I am a strong WOman and I am brave. I am focused on myself and not on everyone else. While I may lack some of the great qualities one wants to see in me, I still possess other great things, and I will never bend my knees for anyone who is undeserving of my love and trust.

I am a strong WOman and I have utmost respect towards myself. I may have low tolerance for things I do not like, but I also have a very high level of persistence for things I really like. If I don’t like you, I don’t like you. Period. If I like you…I really do and you can do nothing about it.

I am a strong WOman and I can get through anything. The more pain you inflict on me, the more I get stronger. The more scars I get, the more I become braver.

I am a strong WOman and I am not the only one.

Because behind a strong WOman is a group of an even stronger WOmen.

HorizontalBar_2

SignatureFlag

Still Here

HorizontalBar_2

Today, you asked me where I had been. You screamed at me and accused me of not being there for you when you needed me. I couldn’t say anything. I wanted to tell you…I wanted to say…that I had always been here. I had always been here, waiting for you. Hoping for this day when you had finally seen and noticed me. And although the way you saw me today wasn’t what I wished for, at least you had finally recognized my presence without looking for someone else.

I had always been here.

And…

I am still here.

HorizontalBar_2

SignatureFlag

instagram

twitter

Season of Despair

I still think of you and long for you every now and then…so much so that it makes me feel like four seasons have already passed without me realizing. I have never noticed the first drop of snowflakes in the winter, and the first bloom of flowers in the spring. I have never had a chance to feel the warmth of the Indian summer light cascading through the pavement, and to witness the falling of the first autumn leaves. How could I let this pass and focus on something that has never done me any good? I have been so engrossed on the idea of loving you and being loved by you that I forgot to appreciate the passing of the four seasons. This season of despair I am currently in has to end soon. You’re not worth it. No, you’re not worth it all.

HorizontalBar_1

SignatureFlag

instagram

twitter

I am letting you go

“I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me. I hope that one day you find someone who will give you everything you need and want. I know one day that will come…and it is sad to know that I won’t be a part of that day.” Not anymore.

The Fickle Heartbeat

Heartbeat: My Life, My Struggle, and the Love I HAD

Shared by Diana Georgia

I have always found it very difficult to let go of things and people. At 23, I still find it very difficult to determine what I want. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t know who I want to be with. I don’t know where to go, and I don’t know how to decide for myself.

I always find myself laying in bed for four more hours since I wake up thinking of the things I want to happen. Usually, I end up not figuring out anything. Usually, I could think of something but then I would be too lazy to make things happen.

I am just basically breathing and going with the flow. I am just doing things because I need to not because I want to. I am like a part of an herd that just follows…

View original post 532 more words

There He Goes

HorizontalBar_2

“I will never change my mind. There’s nothing you can do,” you said as you made another step away from me. You were right. I couldn’t do anything. All I could do was stare at my feet as tears streamed down my face. How could you not show any signs of anger, when you couldn’t give me another chance? 

There he goes. There goes another one. Another one got away. 

I wanted to hold your hand and look into your eyes. I wanted you to be the one to tell me to finally let go. I wanted to hear it from you. If you were going to break my heart, I’d want you to tear me apart in the worst way possible. But then, I couldn’t move a muscle. I just stood there as you walked further.

There he goes. There goes another one. Another one got away.

HorizontalBar_2

SignatureFlag.

What If?

HorizontalBar_2

Is letting go of someone important to you really worth it?
What if s/he’s important to you, but you aren’t important to him/her?
What if s/he values you a lot,
yet his/her pride and ego stops him/her from telling you so?
What if you don’t let go,
but s/he had already done it?
What if you let go?
What if you don’t?
Is it going to worth it?

HorizontalBar_2

SignatureFlag

Because Love

HorizontalBar_2

You should never forget
how much I love you
You never have to worry
if I care about you as much as you do
Never doubt
whether I think about you every single second
Because love,
I do.
And you never have to do these things,
Because love,

it is mine to deal with
It is mine to battle against
My mountain to climb
And I don’t want you to waste your time
Because love,
It is me who always forget
that I love you
And I worry if I still care about you.
Because love,
when the pain is too much
we don’t have a choice
but to forget we have felt something in the first place.

HorizontalBar_2

SignatureFlag