Work in Progress

I am not a work of art, but I am a work in progress.

You may see the slight curve of my lips exposing my almost-perfect teeth on my face or the twinkling of my eyes when you stare at me and how my cheeks swell up due to the way you make me feel, but you will never see what I try to hide within the restraints of my own physical body. It is continuously burning, melting, yearning for your love, understanding and acceptance — something you have difficulty to offer.

I barricaded my heart with the memories of you, of us, of the moments we shared together. You may call me silly for always hoping and wishing that someday, somewhere down the road, our paths will cross once again, and you will sweep me off my feet and take me back into your arms…where you lead me to bed just to lay down with me for hours…just to feel my body pressed against yours, just to squeeze my little body even when I cannot breathe so you can be sure I am not going anywhere.

And I didn’t go anywhere.

Because you left me.

And that’s okay.

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Love at First Fight

It wasn’t love at first sight. In fact, it was love at first fight. It started with me calling him gay because of his knee–high socks, and asking him where he bought his beard. He pissed me off to a point that I gathered all of my strength and courage to personally confront him through a private conversation.

Me: Are you crazy?
Him: *confused*

We sorted things out and settled it, but the butterflies didn’t appear just yet. To me, he was the most annoying person I’ve ever met. To him, I was just another girl attempting to catch his attention by throwing a fit at him, even though in reality, I wasn’t.

I was still in the process of healing at the time he came into my life. I had ended a long-time and unhealthy relationship, and even though it had already been months since that happened, I was still trying to slowly get back on my feet.

I had to admit, I didn’t have any intentions to feel something for him. He was out of my league. He was someone I didn’t want to surround myself with, but every time I tried to stay away, he still found his way into my life.

My previous relationship was a sad one. It was unhealthy for me. I was with someone who was dealing with emotional and mental problems, and didn’t make any extra effort to actually make our relationship work. Although I tried my best to understand, it came to a point when all the strength I had for this person was nowhere to be found anymore. I was guilt-tripped and manipulated, and it took me a long time to realize it.

And that may be one of the reasons I tried to push him away. I was scared of falling and being in a relationship again. I thought I wasn’t ready to get emotionally attached with anyone. Besides, it was too good to be true. He was too nice to me. No matter how mean I got to him, he still remained good to me. And because of that, I slowly and surely fell again.

The very first time I saw him, I felt my heart drop down my intestines to my uterus, and then to my feet. I ate every negative word I said to him. He became the very first person that made me literally whisper “carpe diem”, syllable by syllable in the open air.

I fell in love with the goodness of his heart. His willingness and his presistence helped me replace my dark, tired heart with a brighter, new one.

I fell in love with the beauty of his sound. His voice, his music — the very first time I listened to it, I felt electricity running through my veins. I was ecstatic. I’ve always admired musically inclined people.

Even his laugh sounded like music to my ears. I could listen to him and stare at his beautiful face all day, and not get tired of it even though he made it clear to me that staring at him would make him feel uncomfortable. He never knew I had always liked making him feel that way.

I fell in love with the warmth of his body. I have always been cold, and out of all the people I’ve met, his touch is the warmest.

I fell in love with all the smallest things he did. I have always been the simple girl in town. Although I could try to be luxurious in so many things, I never did. Simplicity has always been my kind of thing; and when I saw how simple he could be, I felt my lips slowly curved in an upward motion.

I fell in love with his generosity and his willingness to extend his hands. He showed me a differend kind of generosity — the most outstanding kind. He had never made me feel alone. There may have been times when I did feel like no one could ever understand me, but I saw how hard he tried to be there.

I fell in love with him, and I would fall in love with him over and over again.

My love for him is so much different from the love I used to give to people. I love annoying him. I love contradicting him. I love saying the opposite thing when he tells me something. I love being mean to him. I love making things hard and complicated for him. I give him my worst attitude, and sometimes, I say the most stupid things to him; yet every time I do it, he never seems to take it seriously and I am thankful of how patient and good he is.

I may be very lucky to have him as I have never felt happier ever since I met him. It’s crazy how the Universe conspires against you sometimes. It gives you something when you don’t want it…and then you will learn to accept it and realize you actually want it.

It wasn’t love at first sight, but it is the kind of love that’s going to last until I lose my sight.

DP (1)

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Scared | Scarred

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For the first time in my life, I am not scared of anything other than the thought of being alone. I have never been scared of it before. I loved having just myself and being away from people, but right now, the only thing I am scared about is the idea that there is a big possibility that I may be alone forever.

It is weird how the things I am not scared of happening before are the only things that scare the hell out of me now, while the ones I have been scared of are the ones I couldn’t care less about anymore.

I am no longer scared of falling;

of getting my heart scarred multiple times by the same person;

of losing myself;

of being out of my comfort zone;

and of taking risks.

I no longer care whether or not you love me back, and I no longer care about losing you despite all the efforts I am willing to make.

The only thing I am scared of is the fact that despite me saying all these things, I’d still end up being alone.

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Magically in Love

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I can never count the many times you have made me feel better, not only about myself, but about everything. My fingers and toes aren’t enough to determine how many times you have done your best to motivate and inspire me to be the better version of me. The stars in the sky will never be enough to measure how much thankful I am to have you in my life.

You…

You are the best.

You are amazingly the coolest breathing biology I have ever come across with.

You are by far the most achingly beautiful creature in my universe — my entire universe.

You have no idea how much you affect every vein in my body.

You make everything so magical.

I will forever be thankful for just the thought of your existence.

You…

You make me better.

You are good for my soul.

I do not remember doing anything good or right in the past that has made me worthy of being with you and having you in my life. Maybe…I have just been through a lot of painful things in the past that the Gods and Goddesses above have finally heeded my call, and listened to my prayers that one day, something or someone would magically appear, and take me away from the mud I’ve long been submerged in.

You…

You are my calling.

You are my prayer.

You are the magic that came into my life.

I will forever keep you in my heart, and I will cherish every moment I get to spend with you. No oceans will ever be deeper than what I feel for you. The moon will never be far enough for me to jump on just to get near you. No hurricanes will ever make me let go of your hand, and I will hug you even more tightly than I always do just to make sure you will never be out of my sight.

And I…

I would rather look into your hazel brown eyes, and lose myself in them than watch the fireworks in the sky on New Year’s Eve, because this is what happens when I am magically in love with you. I tend to forget everything, and just be thankful that I’ve got you. ❤

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Thankful

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Positively in Love

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Note: I haven’t written any creative feature posts in a while, and I’ve just thought of writing and sharing this one.

When falling in love, there are two voices in your head. One is positive, and the other one is negative. This is the second part of my two-post series about falling. First comes the negative. Here is the positive. Read it, enjoy it, smile for it.

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I am an optimist when it comes to falling in love. It does not matter how many times I get my heart broken, for as long as my heart feels that spark all over again, it does not stop until it gets reciprocated. And in the event that it doesn’t really get what it wants, it slowly heals itself until the yearning totally vanishes in the air.

Over the New Year, I fell in love in so many ways. I was in a different city with one of the most amazing people I know. Everything was new to me — the place, the experience, the person I was with. I tried my very best to remain emotionally and mentally stable, and so I found myself being silent in most occasions…

…but then, I got out of control.

I lost myself.

I lost myself in a big city.

I lost myself in you.

I didn’t expect everything to turn out so great. It was too good to be true.

You are the most incredible person I have ever seen. You are beautiful inside and out, and I don’t regret having you in my life. Never will I ever feel regretful, not even when things just suddenly fall out of place.

The thing is, I may be feeling something for you now, but I can’t tell you just yet whether or not it’s going to be forever.

I know my worth. I am aware of it, and I am pretty sure you also are. I am worthy of so many things in life and love. Just like you, I am worthy of all the best things the world could offer. I am worthy of happiness, of being loved back, of being pampered and nurtured. I am worthy of being respected as a woman.

This, nonetheless, doesn’t mean I am going to give up on you. You are a part of me now, and I am a part of you. I am just going to take my time learning about you and growing with you. This time, I am not going to rush things, in hopes that taking my time to love and get to know you does not lead to slowly drifting away from you.

No, I am not going to stay away. I will be here even at times you do not want me to…because you, my darling, are also worthy of being loved without you having to give it back. You, my sweetheart, are the absolute best, and you, among anyone, deserve the very best.

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End of the series. Hope you read the first one!

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Negatively in Love

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Note: I haven’t written any creative feature posts in a while, and I’ve just thought of writing and sharing this one.

When falling in love, there are two voices in your head. One is positive, and the other one is negative. This is the first part of my two-post series about falling. First comes the negative. Read it, enjoy it, break for it.

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Negatively in Love… (voice)

We haven’t known each other for a very long time, but it feels like we do. I feel like I know so much about you, and I still want to get to know you better.

I can’t say I love you just yet. I may be falling in love with you, but I don’t want to admit I already love you. It is too soon. But when you find someone who your heart instantly beats for, there is no such thing as “too soon.” I guess I just think it is too good to be true. We don’t have enough memories together to justify how I feel for you.

I choose you…among anyone. I choose you not because you are the only option. You actually are the only exception. They say there are millions of fish in the sea. Yes. That is so true. But I think that people would always want just one specific fish. And I want you. I want you to be the only fish in my sea.

I adore you from head to toe, and I want you so bad. I want you to be mine, and I want you to own me, too. I want to belong to you. I want to be your muse, your queen, your everything. But unfortunately, I can’t be. I can’t be yours. I am not the person you want. You don’t know that yet, but I know I am not.

They say we can’t always get what we want. I am so out of your league. You are an amazing person, and you are achingly the most beautiful human being I have ever seen. You have everything figured out. You have the world in your hands. You know what you want, and you know how to get it. While on the other hand, I am just a twenty-something year old, talkative and annoying woman who is so much into writing stories and poems for you. I feel like I am just an underachiever who is willing to do everything for you.

Cupid may have hit me hard right in the heart and it is starting to ruin me. So I am going to start letting go of these feelings before I hit rock bottom. I am going to try to stop my insanity before I hurt myself even more. I am just a nobody whose heart is slowly beating for a somebody. Somebody who has everything, and I am so scared to lose myself one more time.

But just in case you change your mind, and decide that you want to take the risk of loving a crazy woman like me, I will be here for you. Until then, I am going to stop hurting myself and slowly quit bothering you.

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End of Negatively in Love. Next >> Positively in Love.

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Don’t Make Me Fall For You

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You have that smile that anyone could fall for. You’ve got those almond-shaped eyes I have learned to adore. It is beautiful how they taper and it’s not every day that I see a person who supposedly has big brown eyes but has the same eye shape as I do. I like the way your eyes seem nonexistent when you try to smile; and the way your lips curve upwards. You have no idea how they could make anyone’s life one hundred times better. Your well sculpted body is like a clone of a higher being, and you have almost all of the incredible talents that makes me want to wish I were you. You are amazing. You are achingly…beyond beautiful.

I like how even the littlest things you do could make me smile. You could always make my day a whole lot brighter than it ever was. Sometimes I think it is too good to be true. I think that you only make me feel good about myself so I could make you feel the same way. Most people I know are like that. They give, so they could get something in return.

Despite all of this, I still think you are amazing. The light in you still shines brightly…and I wouldn’t want you to waste that light on me. 

Don’t fall for me.

When I look at you, I think of all the things you could do. You have the world in your hands. You could do anything you want to do. You could dream of something in a moment, and make it real a few minutes after. You could wish for something and be able to have it in an instant. You have a bright path ahead of you, and I do not want to be the one to switch off all the lights that brighten it. We are different…so much different. We are miles and worlds apart.

Don’t make me fall for you.

I am always so anxious. I have lots of fears, and I am scared I wouldn’t have to push you away. You would do it on your own. You would realize that being with me would not be the best decision you would ever make. I’d be territorial and needy. You would feel suffocated with all the love I would shower you. I wouldn’t be able to control myself, so I’d give you everything. My inner drama queen would push you down to your limit, and you would realize how draining it would be. I am not the one you would want to be with.

I wouldn’t want those things to ever happen. It would leave me devastated. I had been in my most vulnerable state before, and it took me a lot of courage to stand on my feet. I learned to guard my heart by planting roses around it. It was calloused by the thorns that grew gradually over the years, and I wouldn’t want you to remove them just to find out how wounded it was. I wouldn’t let you find out that despite the barricade I put up around my heart, there is still a part of me that hopes you would go against all odds to conquer it and make it your own.

Please, don’t make me fall if you don’t intend to do the same. Don’t do it…if you were not a fan of give-and-take. Don’t. Please, don’t.

Don’t make me fall, if you don’t plan to catch me at all.

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If I Stop Loving You

Note: This post is a creative essay about a specific kind of fear people encounter when falling in love with the distance — giving up. Before we push ourselves right in the battlefield, we think about giving up…and it’s a fear that comes back every now and then. I was feeling anxious more than usual lately, so in behalf of everyone in a relationship, I wanted to write and share this post with you.

HorizontalBar_2Right before I fall for you, I want you to be aware that once I do, I would want you to be the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I would not imagine myself with somebody else. I would never look forward to the day I’d be falling out of love with you because I do not want to think that it would be possible for me to live a life without you.

I would have lots of things to wish for if I ever be with you. I’d wish that we both could live a hundred years together, so we would have more time to be with each other. I’d wish that we were born in the same place at the same time because it is kind of unsettling to think that I had spent twenty-two years of my life not knowing you.

You may think I would be incapable of loving you forever, and I wish to prove you wrong. But just in case I fail, I am writing this beforehand to ask for your forgiveness if I ever do you wrong.

I want you to forgive me if the day comes that I stop loving you. Forgive me if suddenly, I fall out of love and I don’t seem to care anymore. It doesn’t mean that because I am no longer in love with you, my love for you is never real. Forgive me if one day, you realize that I lied to you when I said I would never give up on you. I have always thought I am not capable of giving up most especially when it comes to you.

I want you to forgive me if one day, I stop waiting for you. I promise that you will always be on top of my priorities, but if I fail, please do forgive me. I hope you would realize how hard it is to wait for something, and not be able to know how long it would take. Forgive me if I lose my patience and I am no longer able to give you the attention I used to shower you with.

Forgive me if I stop being the person you supposedly fell for. Forgive me if I cease to be that person who would give you the world and sacrifice everything for you. Forgive me if one day you realize that I am not the most perfect lover. Forgive me if I don’t stick to my words.

If one day, all these things I am telling you happen, I want you to know that it isn’t your fault. It will never be. I want you to remember that I have loved you with all of my heart. I need you to understand that while some things last, there are still some that are bound to end. But despite everything, I want you to know that I do not regret falling in love with you. 

So please forgive me if I stop loving you or if the day comes that my heart stops beating for you.

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You

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I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I’ve been trying not to because I know how frustrated this would make me. So many times I find myself coming to a conclusion that I should stop. We should stop…but then I also have this tendency to convince myself to give it a try, go with the flow and see where this will take me.

I find myself falling for the things I get to know about you day by day, and it is weird how I also fall for the things I haven’t known about you yet. I keep seeing the good and the best in you, and while I am not sure if this is a good thing to do, I have also been trying to discover the worst things about you. I want to be convinced that you, despite your almost-perfect qualities, also possess something dark and diabolical.

I want something to convince me that I do not and should not like you. I want to see something that would easily and immediately make me stop from getting close to you.

But then, I am failing…

I’ve seen the things I do not like about you, personality-wise, yet I am still drawn to you. I’ve come to like even the seemingly ugliest side of you.

You.

You constrain my eudaimonia; yet you make my soul flourish.

You make my thoughts all rumbled up; yet you keep me sane.

You make my heart create its own fantasy-based reality; yet you are the reason my heart flutters like it has its own pair of wings every time.

Seven thousand miles…

That is all it has to take. I need air. I cannot breathe.

You’re getting too close.

I am getting too close.

We…are getting too close.

I am not liking the electric feeling that is radiating from you towards me across the pacific.

What do we call this? This isn’t love. It is too early to fall in love. But isn’t it also too early to fall out of love?

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Magic

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Once in your life, you fall in love with someone who isn’t designed to love you back. Maybe, that person will stay for a while, but not to reciprocate how you feel, but to mess up with your life just a little bit, if not, tremendously.

And when that person leaves, everything would feel so unreal. Everything would hurt, and your heart would break every time you find pieces of memories you have had with that person. It would feel like it is the most devastating thing that has ever happen to you. You would never feel more alone than ever until you get tired of feeling anything at all.

And then one day, when you stop seeking love and looking for comfort, someone will come to you like a storm and become your life’s thunder. This person is the one you have never expected to come, yet he will.

Once again, your life would turn upside down and inside out, and even when you tell yourself not to fall that easily for the nth time, you still would because no matter how many times your heart has been broken in the past, when your heart feels loved, it can’t help itself but to love back. No matter how cold it has been when it feels something, all the ice that covers it would slowly melt away.

Because that is what love is when you feel it is real…

…everything becomes magical.

You’d see the magic even without opening your eyes.

You’d feel it without moving your hands.

You’d hear it without actually listening to it.

You’d have a taste of it, and you…

You would love it.

You would love the magic you see when you look in that person’s eyes.

You would love how it feels when either your palms or your bodies collide.

And you wouldn’t trade it for anything. Not even a previous numerous heartbreaks would stop you from chasing the magic.

But don’t you forget that you…

…my love, is also PURE MAGIC and that is why that person would come into your life in the first place. 🙂

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Winter in My Heart

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I create my own problems.

I’ve known this fact about me for a very long time now. When everything goes the way I want it to, I find a way to create a problem and dwell on it until it’s gone.

The weather has been extremely bad during the past few days. Sometimes it is too hot. Sometimes it is too cold. Sometimes it rains so heavily, sometimes it is too sunny. These changes in the weather apparently affects me a lot. I have noticed some drastic changes in the way I think, act and behave.

How many times have I complained about the cold lately? Too many.

It’s too cold. I am freezing.

I have said this too many times to everyone around me. I have even sent it as a message to the people close to me.

You’re freezing? That’s odd. You’ve never felt too cold before.

My best friend replied, reminding me about how I dress. She is right. Usually, I never really feel the cold even in zero-degree places. I am accustomed to dressing light, and even when it is freezing outside, I still wear short dresses, high-waist shorts and sleeveless tops.

Maybe it’s just your heart.

She replied one more time. This line hit me right both in the head and in my heart.

Maybe she’s right. Maybe it’s just my heart and my mind battling with reality. It’s so cold, yes, literally…that is right, but it is not the weather that really makes me feel so cold.

There’s winter in my heart…

And my mind is trying to find a way to battle it. I need fire to counteract it.

I need love…

But I don’t want it.

I don’t want love because when I start wanting it, I keep giving it all without expecting anything in return. I don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want to make memories because I know that these memories will leave me haunted when the love is gone.

And so right at this moment, I may be destroying my chance of being loved.

I don’t want to create memories with anyone. I am scared of vulnerability. I have been in that state too many times before. The more I spend time with someone I really like, the more I fall into the abyss of loving that person, and the more that my desire for his/her love and all of his/her attention grows, and the least thing I want right now is for that person to feel suffocated. And so, I keep trying to push anyone away. Today, I may not want to talk to you or spend time with you, and then tomorrow, I may find myself annoying you with my “heys”, and asking for your love and attention.

It is too cold. Maybe you can give me your love to warm me up.

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I am letting you go

“I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me. I hope that one day you find someone who will give you everything you need and want. I know one day that will come…and it is sad to know that I won’t be a part of that day.” Not anymore.

The Fickle Heartbeat

Heartbeat: My Life, My Struggle, and the Love I HAD

Shared by Diana Georgia

I have always found it very difficult to let go of things and people. At 23, I still find it very difficult to determine what I want. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I don’t know who I want to be with. I don’t know where to go, and I don’t know how to decide for myself.

I always find myself laying in bed for four more hours since I wake up thinking of the things I want to happen. Usually, I end up not figuring out anything. Usually, I could think of something but then I would be too lazy to make things happen.

I am just basically breathing and going with the flow. I am just doing things because I need to not because I want to. I am like a part of an herd that just follows…

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My Heart Is Out At Sea


I am sailing…sailing away with your love

I am swimming across these oceans

to find and get my anchor back.

D. M.

I was my own anchor…until you came along, grabbed everything I had and attached them to your heart. Things were never the same after that, but several months later, you slowly gave my anchor back, bit by bit, pieces by pieces. I thought you were returning it because you were leaving me for good.

But as I examined every piece of it, I have noticed it was better than before. When you took it away from me, and made it your own, it was nothing but a rusty, old metal that could be easily taken away by the waves. When you gave it back, it was harder, stronger and better looking. I have realized that you only took it to make it better with your love. I have never understood that before, and I am beyond grateful now.

Loving you from a far is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Every day is a struggle…yet, every day is also an accomplishment. Just like my anchor, I grow stronger day by day. And in every single second I don’t see you, I learn a lot of things.

Being happy alone.

I learn to value the time I spend on both doing things and doing nothing alone. I realize how much an alone time can really help me make a strategy or think of possible ways for me to get closer to you. When I have learned to be alone, I have discovered I could do more things than I am supposed to.

Being okay to try new things and to get out of my comfort zone.

Every one of us have things that we are not comfortable doing or situations we do not like being in, but having you to inspire and motivate me all the time definitely makes me want to try everything out. Luckily for me, everything I have done and tried so far had positive outcomes.

Seeing vulnerability as a good tool to actually get what I want.

Crying makes you feel weak, but we all know we get even stronger after that. Just like what other people believe in, the waves are calmer after a storm. Everything that puts heaviness on our chest is designed to make our hearts stronger.

Giving in to my fears means giving you up.

I was always scared of the dark before, but I have learned to battle this fear by always reminding myself that you’re always with me. You may not be physically with me all the time, but I always carry a piece of you in my heart. And that…that makes me even braver and tougher. If before I was scared of the dark, I am now more scared of something bigger. I am scared of not being with you. I am scared of not being loved back by you. And it’s a fear I have been doing my best to fight against because I never want to give you up.

I am worthy of your love.

I never had a clearer vision of how worthy I am of being loved before. But now, I do.

My love for you is dauntless.

I have realized that no matter what happens between us, I still fall for you and long for you with every waking breath, and this just shows how much I want us to work things out, and that I am always in it for the long haul.

These are just few of the things I can remember, but these are the most important ones. These are what continuously build me up and transform me into a stronger person and a better lover.

I know I have lots of flaws and I can never be perfect, but these things remind me that although we can never achieve something beyond perfection, we can still be better. We can still right our wrongs. We can still change what has to be changed.

I will forever cherish and value these things for they are the ones that ceaselessly help strengthen my anchor. I am not sure whether or not I will be with you soon, but my heart and my anchor will fearlessly sail along with the waves in the ocean until I reach you, until it’s no longer thousands of seas between us, but just an arm in between.

Distance and absence make the heart grow fonder, they say. They do. They really do. Distance makes my heart want to go out at sea. It makes it want to sail away, to swim across the ocean to find you. It makes me want to battle against the strongest waves, because I believe you will be waiting on the other end of the shore.

(C) Diana Marcos


You Are Good Enough

HorizontalBar_2Hey, you! Yes. You! You are good enough. You are good enough for me. No matter how many times you tell me you aren’t, you will always be good enough for me. You don’t see what I see. And I wish for a moment you do, because I see lots of wonderful things in you. You are beautiful – my beautiful.

I don’t know what happened to you in the past – what you did to others, and what others did to you – that made you feel insecure. I don’t know whom you surrounded yourself with and what happy memories you have made with them. I don’t know who have hurt you and made you cry. But one thing’s for sure, I know that I am able and always willing to treat you right and make you feel better today, tomorrow, and hopefully, for the rest of our life together.

I know we haven’t had lots of fond memories together…yet, but I am looking forward to making thousands, if not millions, of happy memories with you. I’d love to travel around the world with you, live in different places, and probably get our own mobile trailer and live near the beach. I have never wanted to learn how to swim, but if you’d be willing to teach me, I am pretty sure I wouldn’t have second thoughts and I’d run and jump into the ocean right away.

I still haven’t figured out whether you like sunny days or rainy days better, but I have a feeling you love both. Don’t tell me! I’d like to learn more about you without you telling me anything. I’d like to look at your beautiful face while I listen to your lovely voice. I look forward to spend many summer and winter seasons with you. During the summer, we could stay in Hawaii or go to Bali. We could go surfing in St. Francis Bay or we could escape all the way to Costa Rica. In the winter, maybe we could just stay at home, cuddle up in bed, or we could go skiing in Austria. We could go on a Caribbean cruise and travel the world together.

I’d also like to visit other beautiful places in Europe with you. I’d love to be able to experience being above the clouds with you. I wish we both could fly, because I am sure it would be super amazing!

I still have to figure out whether or not you want a big family one day. But if not, I’d be more than willing to accept it. For as long as you’re with me, and I am with you, we could still make everything better. We’d be Jessie and James without a Meowth. I would never leave your side and I promise to give you free meals for the rest of your life. I would take care of you and I would be the last person in your life who would turn her back at you.

I’d stick with you through thick and thin because I know that I belong to you and you belong to me. You would never have to tell me I am too good for you and that you are not good enough for me. Those words are rubbish. I wouldn’t want you to say those words ever again.

You are beautiful. You are smart and strong. You are loved and you are everything I want you to be. I would never stop proving to you that you deserve me and that I deserve you, too.

You could try to push me away, but I would still come back to you every time. You could ask me to leave you, but I would always find my way back home. I would love you with every waking breath, just as long as you want me to.

I’d never want you to feel unloved and unappreciated. I’d value you the most and you have no idea how much I would be willing to give to make you happy. I’d always have your back, and you’d never have to worry about me leaving you, because I would never will.

I want you. I want you so bad. I just hope you’d want me the same way I do so much so that you’d wish to be with me forever.

I want you to talk to me, and don’t let me go away. I long for you to talk to me. You’re already so far away, and I want you to reach out to me, even from a distance. Don’t ever feel embarrassed about yourself. You are good enough. You are good enough for me.

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(Originally published 07/20/2015 and shared on The Fickle Heartbeat 07/22/2015)

I Loved Him

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In my younger years, there was this person, and I loved him. It was great, yet it was short lived. It was the kind of love that kept me awake all night long. It was full of fantasies and whimsical ambitions. It was something that old people would consider shallow and pretentious, yet something that would teach us about life.

When I try to go back and relive the memories, I realize how badly I have treated that person who once made me smile. I wasn’t his first, but he was mine, and I thought I could love him the same way forever.

I have reached that point in my life when I started considering that person I loved for the first time as the one that got away. I loved him. I am sure of that. Yet, my love for him was not enough. It was not the kind of love that would move mountains, nor the kind of love that would make me cross oceans. It was the kind of love that made me seize the day and enjoyed everything while it lasted.

Letting him go was very easy for me. I already knew back then that he deserved someone better. I loved him, but I knew that I wasn’t the one for him…that no matter how many times he tried to tell me that we were meant to be, it would never work out the way he thought it would.

I loved him, and I let him go. But, this doesn’t mean I regret anything. I no longer feel the same love I had for him now, because there is already someone filling up the space he used to have in my heart. In fact, this person fills up the space that is bigger than the one he had. Despite all these, I would always carry a piece of his memory at the back of my mind, and I would never forget that once in my life, I loved him.HorizontalBar_2

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