You asked me to write about you, and now here I am. I don’t know if you’re ever going to read this…but…
I am hurting.
I am hurting because I am longing for you. I am longing to be with you. I am longing to have your arms wrapped around me and to feel your lips on mine.
I am hurting because I know deep inside me, I can feel how much I’ve grown attached to you. That when you are not here, I just feel so empty.
I don’t know how this happened. I don’t know how someone I’ve only known for a few months can have this effect on me.
All I know is that…with me getting used to your presence even with the distance we have between us, I have learned to slowly trust you and open my heart to you.
And I am hurting.
I am hurting because I knew it wasn’t going to last. I am hurting because I was right. I am hurting because I wish I was wrong.
I was right.
My greatest fear is here.
You have probably become tired of me. And I can’t blame you for that. I am a tiring person to be with. All the people I have loved in the past slowly unloved me because I am just not that kind of person who’s worth loving for a long time.
And it’s time for me again to accept that, as if I have never learned my lessons. I can’t do anything. I know I am the type of person who likes to feel wanted. I want people to make me feel wanted all the time, to give me the attention I need. I get insecure from time to time. I am not perfect. I am just human who wants and needs love. I can’t change who I am. I know I will never change.
I wish you the best in life. I hope one day, you find someone who isn’t like me, someone who won’t ask you for so much attention, someone who will not get mad at you for superficial reasons, someone who will get your jokes without being sarcastic, someone who will make you smile every day instead of making you feel attacked.
I didn’t mean to make you feel bad all the time. I didn’t intend to say mean things to you. Of course I wanted to make you smile. I wanted to make you happy. I wanted to talk to you both about the cool things that have been happening (if there were), and also the things that have made me feel bad. But how could I do that if I felt bad all the time? How could I do that if you were always not around? I guess…I just badly wanted you to give me time and understand me but you didn’t, you couldn’t. I shouldn’t have insisted. But what can I do now?
I’m sorry I’m not the one for you. Maybe it’s the distance but I think it’s just who I am. I can’t be good for you. I’m just going to keep hurting every time you show me how much you do not care about my feelings. I am always just going to feel hurt every time you choose to ignore me.
But thank you.
Thank you for being a part of me even just for a short time. I know you are a good person. You will find someone who’s going to be good for your soul. It just sucks that it’s not going to be me.