When issues and conflicts arise between me and another person, I always find myself analyzing my own actions and behavior. I ask myself things such as:
- Am I doing things right or am I at fault?
- Is it correct to keep debating and defending myself when I know I’m right or should I just keep my mouth shut to prevent myself from saying inappropriate words that might hurt the other person and make the situation worse?
- Am I listening enough?
- Do I know or understand where the other person is coming from?
- Do I have the power to fix the issue?
- Is the situation worth fighting for?
- Is the other person worth debating with?
- Should I burn the other person in the face? LOL.
I am aware that I am not always right that’s why I always try my best to examine myself and what I am doing. I’ve been through many things — both good and bad. I look like I have always had a great life — always traveling, living luxuriously, and always being loved by family and friends. But that’s only because that’s what I choose people to see. On social media, I have the power to manipulate what people see and read about me. But what I don’t have the power to do is controlling how people should think of me.
I didn’t grow up with my family. I wasn’t raised completely by my parents. I lived in different homes with different people until I went to college. My parents and I know that I have always been an independent person. And I am proud of it. My parents are proud of it.
However, behind all these things is a story not a lot of people know.
I went through a lot of traumatic events in my life. Since I was three until I turned 7, I experienced getting physically abused, and it wasn’t something that one could consider tough love. Tough love doesn’t mean getting beaten to death, being hit in the stomach until you pass out, being held at gun point or having a katana on your throat. And all of these were something I had to endure on a daily basis at an early age. I am actually scared to share this as I don’t want people to feel bad for me or to pity me.
At a young age, I already had the thought that I wasn’t deserving of love — that no one, not even my family, could ever see me as a special person worthy of affection.
When I was twelve, my biological father was murdered. I felt like I died the same time he did, although in my case, it was more emotionally. Imagine how young I was to have experienced these things, but still I am here, breathing strong.
Some days, my mom would look at me and tell me how proud she is of me because despite of all the things I had to endure, I didn’t drift away from her. I didn’t let the circumstances ruin my life. I finished college and got a career I love. I’m still unmarried with no children. Everything seems to be going great.
But to be honest, every day, for me, is a constant battle. I have to convince myself every day to remain humble, to connect with people (not disconnect), to always be compassionate and to prevent myself from becoming a toxic person. I want to keep improving and working on myself because I know that if I don’t, I’ll end up becoming the person my mom said she feared I would become.
I have developed this list that I read every day to become a better person and stay away from toxicity:
❄️ Think positive no matter what the situation is.
❄️ Don’t let disappointments take over your entire day.
❄️ When people try to help you, appreciate their help and be grateful.
❄️ Listen to what other people have to say and be open to constructive criticisms.
❄️ People who have done you wrong and don’t apologize are people who do not respect and value you. Don’t be scared to cut off ties with them, but learn to forgive them.
❄️ When you know you can’t say something right, don’t say anything at all. Always be mindful of the words you use. When you know someone can’t say anything good, don’t respond. Just ignore and move on.
❄️ Always be nice even to rude people. When one can’t understand you, help them be able to.
❄️ Say thank you whenever possible.
❄️ Always do what makes you happy but make sure it does not hurt or affect anybody.
❄️ Be ambitious but stay humble.
I hope that my story will help and inspire you to be a better person. We need to keep in mind that everyone has their own battles. Please stay nice and always be kind!
What about you? How do you work and improve yourself every day?? I would love to know in the comment section below! ❤️🌸