What I Learned From Five Years of Trial and Error

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Note: This is a revised edition of an older post. Please do not read if you hate labeling/naming people. Also, I am not a dating expert nor am I well-experienced, so just enjoy this post.

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The way I see it, life gets too complicated sometimes because we undergo so many stages and changes while growing up. And in each stage we go through, we experience trial and error in so many ways, especially in terms of our relationships with our family, friends and special loved ones.

I had been single for five years before I got in my previous relationship, but I did go out with some people within those years. It was more of a choice. I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship yet. Despite that, I spent some of my time trying to get to know people. While meeting and getting to know those people, I have realized how different they all were, yet they all had one thing in common. They were all nice, but they weren’t the one I imagined to share portions (if not the rest) of my life with. 

Within years of dating, I have learned a lot of things and it changed my perspective in life a bit. They say we spend most of our life doing important things like studying, working, taking care of our family and friends, and making our life better in general, while some of it is spent finding the right person we want to share the rest of our life with.

Here are some of the people I got to know (note: I don’t really like labeling people but I’d like to be specific with their description) and learned a lot from…

The Stalker

I met this guy in high school and we were actually recognized by people as a ‘couple.’ Well, unfortunately, we actually weren’t…at least that was what I thought. He thought, on the other hand, that the moment I said “yes, we can have coffee together,” it already meant “yes, I would love to be your girlfriend.” This is the person I kind of felt bad for because he actually introduced me to his parents and his parents thought we were serious. Well, he was serious to the point of stalking me not only physically, but also virtually. He knew everything about me. What I did, who I talked to or where I went. He still follows me until now even when he himself is already in a committed relationship with a great and beautiful woman, who I happened to know.

The Wo-Man

I went out with this guy next, and he was a really good person. He was very nice but everyone thought he was gay. He was more feminine than I was at that time. He would always carry a bottle of loose face powder and he would always smell like a baby, which I found really amusing. His voice was also too soft. He was a real GENTLEman, and I really liked him. I was, however, worried he would ask for my makeup in the future, and although that sounds fun, I would still prefer someone who wouldn’t use up all of my beauty products. Haha!

The Narcissistic

Honestly, I am not good at receiving compliments. I also suck at giving the people I like good compliments. I always end up screwing things. But then I met this guy who was also very nice, yet asked for my compliments all the time. He would always throw beautiful words at me just so I could tell him how good looking he was. He wanted me to do that almost all the time. He would send me photos every time, and he would wait for me to give him compliments. When I didn’t, he wouldn’t talk to me for days. How great was that?

The Patriarch

This guy had the same qualities as The Narcissistic. He also liked being complimented although I could feel a bit of insecurity in him. Wait. Scratch that. He was actually very insecure that was why he liked it when I gave him compliments. He had always felt so threatened by my personality, and he would call me out when he thought I was trying to intimidate him. He wanted to be the one who would always be pleased, and not the one who would always please. He hated doing things for me because he thought that I should be the one doing things for him.

The Ghost

I don’t think I still need to explain this one, but yes. This guy liked to appear and then disappear all of a sudden. One day, he would show up and ask me to have dinner with him. The next day, he would be gone. Months after, he would show up again and then gone again…for good.

The Baby

This guy just wanted to find out if I was physically blessed enough or not. Apparently, he thought he was still a baby who needed to be breast fed.

The Manipulative

This was the guy who would always call me manipulative when we fought, so he could gaslight and guilt trip me. He would tell me I did things when in fact, I barely did anything. He liked to manipulate. He made me upset about things I didn’t do, so I could do other things for him.

The PSYCHOlogist

This guy actually studied Psychology, but man was he a psycho, too. He would always try to analyze both of my verbal and non-verbal action, and he would always give me advice. His advice was actually a bit helpful, especially when I was at my lowest and I didn’t know what to do. I said he was a psycho because when things didn’t work out for the both of us, he threatened me he would post pictures of me on the Internet. So until now, I have been waiting for my nudes to leak online. I wonder when I’d be famous for it. He’s taking such a long timeeeeeee.

(Of course I am kidding. I never sent nudes. I’ve only sent him selfies. Haha)

The Depressed

I really liked this guy. He was very compassionate. Yet, he was depressed all the time. He would easily get upset about random things and when he did, he would not talk to me for days. He would tell me about it though, unlike the guy who just appeared and disappeared for months.

If you have noticed, I focused on their specific weak/negative points more than their good ones. Apparently, things didn’t work out for me and each of these guys. Although I had also seen good qualities in them, they were just not the right ones for me. They all possessed qualities I didn’t like more than the things I liked. 

After seeing these guys, I have formed an image of my ideal person in my mind. I wanted someone who was like this or someone who was like that and so many other things. I said I wanted someone who doesn’t possess all of those qualities I just enumerated above.

But do you know what I realized? I learned that when you actually fall for someone, you wouldn’t know it immediately. You wouldn’t know that you are subconsciously liking him/her already and you would suddenly forget about all the standards you have set. What you look for an ideal partner wouldn’t matter anymore because the person you fall in love with will suddenly be your ideal person by default.

Slowly and surely, all the characteristics the person you love has will be the ideal characteristics you want to see in your ideal partner. You learn to accept who this person is and love him/her without judgment.

I never liked brown eyes before. I never liked men older than I am. I never liked guys who make me feel uncomfortable and make me go out of my comfort zone. I never liked a partner with a very strong personality. I never liked men who talk about finance, material and monetary value and popularity before.

But now, I do. I have started learning to like the things I never liked before.

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