Don’t Worry.

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Right after I published my latest post about power clinging last night, I felt the sudden urge of loneliness and hatred rushing through my veins. I remained static in my seat as I felt my heart suddenly break into pieces. I was okay. I was happy and content while writing.

But I’ve always had problems keeping my emotions and thoughts in check.

I am not emotionally healthy.

I am not mentally fit.

“You are smart, and you are strong.”

I told myself many times as I tried to calm myself down.

“You are not okay. You have to let it all out.”

My mind told me so. And so I clenched my fists until my fingernails brought a searing but satisfying pain into my palms. I knocked the wall next to me three times. I stood up and walked out. I went to see my friends who were practicing their dance at that time — a dance that I taught them. I was supposed to guide them and dance with them.

But everything seemed so wrong.

Something was wrong, and it was making me feel uneasy.

I sat down watching them. They all looked so happy. I felt my heart harden, refusing to feel anything at all.

I decided to walk out again.

What was wrong with me, you might ask.

Nothing.

Nothing was wrong.

Everything was okay.

Everything is okay.

This has been my problem ever since I was young.

I am not emotionally healthy.

I am not mentally fit.

But you know what? I try. I try to be better. And honestly? I am becoming better at dealing with my fleeting emotions and racing thoughts now more than I ever did before.

Right now, I still don’t feel okay.

But I will be. Don’t worry. And don’t say anything stupid to me. 🙂

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6 thoughts on “Don’t Worry.

  1. Diana, you are wonderful person who has a lot going in the right direction as far as I can tell. If you need someone to talk to about anything go to my blog and in the “About Me” page is an email address that you can reach me at. Never forget you are blessed and you are not alone!

    Liked by 1 person

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