I am sailing…sailing away with your love
I am swimming across these oceans
to find and get my anchor back.
I was my own anchor…until you came along, grabbed everything I had and attached them to your heart. Things were never the same after that, but several months later, you slowly gave my anchor back, bit by bit, pieces by pieces. I thought you were returning it because you were leaving me for good.
But as I examined every piece of it, I have noticed it was better than before. When you took it away from me, and made it your own, it was nothing but a rusty, old metal that could be easily taken away by the waves. When you gave it back, it was harder, stronger and better looking. I have realized that you only took it to make it better with your love. I have never understood that before, and I am beyond grateful now.
Loving you from a far is one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Every day is a struggle…yet, every day is also an accomplishment. Just like my anchor, I grow stronger day by day. And in every single second I don’t see you, I learn a lot of things.
Being happy alone.
I learn to value the time I spend on both doing things and doing nothing alone. I realize how much an alone time can really help me make a strategy or think of possible ways for me to get closer to you. When I have learned to be alone, I have discovered I could do more things than I am supposed to.
Being okay to try new things and to get out of my comfort zone.
Every one of us have things that we are not comfortable doing or situations we do not like being in, but having you to inspire and motivate me all the time definitely makes me want to try everything out. Luckily for me, everything I have done and tried so far had positive outcomes.
Seeing vulnerability as a good tool to actually get what I want.
Crying makes you feel weak, but we all know we get even stronger after that. Just like what other people believe in, the waves are calmer after a storm. Everything that puts heaviness on our chest is designed to make our hearts stronger.
Giving in to my fears means giving you up.
I was always scared of the dark before, but I have learned to battle this fear by always reminding myself that you’re always with me. You may not be physically with me all the time, but I always carry a piece of you in my heart. And that…that makes me even braver and tougher. If before I was scared of the dark, I am now more scared of something bigger. I am scared of not being with you. I am scared of not being loved back by you. And it’s a fear I have been doing my best to fight against because I never want to give you up.
I am worthy of your love.
I never had a clearer vision of how worthy I am of being loved before. But now, I do.
My love for you is dauntless.
I have realized that no matter what happens between us, I still fall for you and long for you with every waking breath, and this just shows how much I want us to work things out, and that I am always in it for the long haul.
These are just few of the things I can remember, but these are the most important ones. These are what continuously build me up and transform me into a stronger person and a better lover.
I know I have lots of flaws and I can never be perfect, but these things remind me that although we can never achieve something beyond perfection, we can still be better. We can still right our wrongs. We can still change what has to be changed.
I will forever cherish and value these things for they are the ones that ceaselessly help strengthen my anchor. I am not sure whether or not I will be with you soon, but my heart and my anchor will fearlessly sail along with the waves in the ocean until I reach you, until it’s no longer thousands of seas between us, but just an arm in between.
Distance and absence make the heart grow fonder, they say. They do. They really do. Distance makes my heart want to go out at sea. It makes it want to sail away, to swim across the ocean to find you. It makes me want to battle against the strongest waves, because I believe you will be waiting on the other end of the shore.
(C) Diana Marcos