A Woman’s Body Is Her Own Empire That’s Not For You To Be In Charge Of

by

This is for you who saw that woman not wearing a bra in the video she posted on her social media account. This is for you who blatantly judged her and called her a ‘famewhore’. This is for you who liked all the negative comments about her and said nasty things that you know would make her feel bad and make everyone like you feel better.

I feel bad for you.

This is for you who saw that photo of a naked, overweight woman whom you called a living ‘disaster’. This is for you who laughed at her for exposing her body to the world. You have no idea how much strength and courage it took for her to be able to do that and be confident in her own skin.

My heart breaks for you.

This is for you who ran into your very skinny female friend somewhere, and shamelessly commented about her eating disorder. This is for you who needs to know that being skinny doesn’t always correlate to anorexia or bulimia. This is for you who needs more education about life.

My brain wants to explode for you.

This is for you who saw photos of me in black and white, with only a small object to cover my chest. This is for you who think my clothes are too short, and that I should cover my body more. This is for you who is against my freedom to be able to wear whatever I feel comfortable in. This is for you who instantly come to a conclusion that I wasn’t raised well, that I need Jesus in my life, because I clearly am a liberated woman.

This is for you parents, sons and daughters who don’t understand the right we enjoy and the freedom of expressing our femininity by what we wear and do not wear.

Cheers! I don’t give a fork about you, but please keep reading.

One of my favorite female activist, Emily Ratajkowsky, wrote a comprehensive essay about the body shaming and the importance of being able to freely express a female’s sexuality. She wrote:

“I see my naked body in the mirrors of all the places I’ve lived, privately dressing, going through my morning routine. I get ready for my day as one of my many roles in life — student, model, actress, friend, girlfriend, daughter, businesswoman. I look at my reflection and meet my own eyes. I hear the voices reminding me not to send the wrong message. And what is that message exactly? The implication is that to be sexual is to be trashy because being sexy means playing into men’s desires. To me, “sexy” is a kind of beauty, a kind of self-expression, one that is to be celebrated, one that is wonderfully female. Why does the implication have to be that sex is a thing men get to take from women and women give up? Most adolescent women are introduced to “sexy” women through porn or Photoshopped images of celebrities. Is that the only example of a sexual woman we will provide to the young women of our culture? Where can girls look to see women who find empowerment in deciding when and how to be or feel sexual? Even if being sexualized by society’s gaze is demeaning, there must be a space where women can still be sexual when they choose to be.”

— Ratajkowsky 2016, Baby Woman

The female body is a work of art. Skinny, plus size, average, no matter what size it is — it is a beauty that anyone should take time to recognize and appreciate regardless of its flaws. Unfortunately, while some may understand, not all of us are innately appreciative of it.

The body of a woman goes through many stages until it reaches its peak and its ultimate form. And as a woman myself, I value my sexual freedom very well. When I say sexual freedom, I am talking about me being able to fully appreciate my body, feel sexy in my own skin and express my sexuality in a way that doesn’t violate other people. If one’s nakedness violate your morality or your humanity, you also have the freedom to close your eyes, shut your mouth or isolate yourself.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family, but it doesn’t mean I was raised out of love and care. I was raised very well despite the fact that my parents weren’t always around. At a very young age, I was already very much conscious of how I wanted to express myself to the world. I already knew what I wanted people to see and perceive me as, and how I should let them know I didn’t really give a fuck about what they would think of it.

I wanted people to see me as a human being who grew up being able to be myself and to express my sexuality in a way that diminishes the idea that to be a good woman, one should be careful about exposing her skin to the society. I have to admit that I am never perfect. My body isn’t perfectly flawless.

I am skinny, but I have curves. I am flat-chested, but my clavicle shows off great. I got a small ass, but at least it’s round and a little stuffed. I don’t have an eating disorder. In fact, I eat a lot but never gain weight. I try to be healthy and strong by eating healthy food and by doing little sports.

Other than that, I have always liked wearing cropped tops, short shorts, body fit short dresses, and backless tops and those with low necklines. Since I live in a tropical country that doesn’t really get too cold, I don’t have to wear long and thick clothes. My family and friends would always make fun of me and ask, “Why do you even bother wearing anything?” I used to take their comments very seriously, but now, I just laugh at them every time since I have already made them understand that these are the kinds of clothing I am very much comfortable in.

“I think of women in their workplaces worrying about how their sexuality might accidentally offend, excite, or create envy. I think of mothers trying to explain to their daughters that while it wasn’t their fault, they should cover up next time.”

— Ratajkowsky 2016, Baby Woman

I remember one time, I was wearing high waist shorts that almost showed off my underbutt. I went out with a couple of colleagues to get some food. On our way out, I was catcalled by a bunch of passersby. My colleagues were surprised that I wasn’t affected at all. One of them even asked, “Those guys were catcalling you because of your shorts, and you didn’t even react?”

Well, I did react by not reacting to it. I ignored it, not because I didn’t feel wronged at all, but because I was already aware of the fact that not everyone had an open mind. Not everyone would understand that I have this innate desire to feel comfortably sexy all the time and it doesn’t give everyone the permission or the title to get something out of me just because I want to appear the way I am.

And I don’t really have to explain myself. I feel sexy and I want to be sexy for myself. Being sexy in my own way is my way of pulling in confidence into myself. It is my way of getting rid of all my insecurities every day. It doesn’t mean you have the right to tell me what to do and not to do, to comment on how I dress or to voice out your opinion about me being an attention-seeking woman. I don’t dress for you, and most importantly, I can get naked whenever I want and it’s not for you or for anyone else.

As a matter of fact, I enjoy being naked when I am alone. It’s not because I want someone to catch me completely exposed. It doesn’t mean I want someone to insult me or even, to sexually assault me. It’s because I feel something within myself — a certain power that makes me feel better and makes me say to myself that, “hey, I have this body, it’s not perfect, but I am very proud of it.”

I used to think so much about what my friends would think about me. I used to care so much about what my best friends’ parents would say when they see me barely wearing anything. I knew some parents who stopped talking to me and even blocked me on social media because they couldn’t take me or handle how outspoken I am about almost everything. But now, I don’t really care so much anymore. I have come a long way. I have been through a lot. I was mostly alone my entire life, but my parents raised me well. I have never committed a crime. I am a good person regardless of how I expose myself to the society.

I am aware of the fact that not everyone is open to the idea of freely expressing yourself, your thoughts or your sexuality, but you also need to understand that while there are people like you, who think that when someone looks sexy in public, they want to be sexualised or that “they are asking for ‘it’, there are also those people who will never care about what you and other people think and say. There are people who feel sexy and they are comfortable about it. And you are not allowed to take that right away from them.

If you want to stay conservative or traditional, I am, not judging you. Stay the way you are and let others do what they are comfortable doing without judging them back.

one-sided love


Read Emily’s Essay via this link.

Featured image source.

  • Missy Burson

    So true! We need to lift each other up, not tear others down. Being “sexy” means so many things to different people, if your opinion of being or dressing sexy doesn’t match someone else’s, it doesn’t make it wrong!

    • I also agree with what you said. Nowadays, there are people who still believe that what they think is the only thing that is right and I just want everyone to be more open minded and accept that not everyone is the same. Thank you so much, Missy! ❤️

  • Seriously adore this post! We all need the reminder to build one another up! Our bodies are a gift and we need to see the best in not only ours, but everyone elses’ too!
    http://beyondblessedblog.com/

  • Sydnie Lazina

    I really really love this. I feel the same way about my sexuality, but I’m still struggling with the part about worrying what some people might think or being afraid of being catcalled, since it makes me really uncomfortable. But I’m working gradually to be able to be at the level of comfort and confidence where I can truly feel that if I’m happy and comfortable, that is what matters. I’m a really sexual person too but I feel embarrassed about expresing it sometimes. I guess it can feel embarassing if people have old conservative ideas on sexuality and I don’t like feeling judged, or for people to think they can be disrespectful because of how I’m dressed. But I’ll get there lol! Thanks again so much 😙

  • Candace

    Couldn’t agree with this more! We need to respect and be more respectful of each other and that includes our bodies as well. Everyone needs to read this!

  • Aubrie Engman

    This was a really beautiful piece! Thank you for writing this and keep up the good work!

  • This was very beautiful. Each woman defines sexy in her own way and at the end of the day, we all have the right to wear what we want.

  • Judging others…if we can just get rid of this…it would solve so many issues! Love your post. Keep on sharing and writing. You’re awesome 🙂

  • Shasha

    I totally agree with this post. Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. I agree that we need to spend more time embracing beauty instead of questioning it. Thanks so much for sharing this.

  • Shweta Shah

    All women (and men) need to read this and just be comfortable in their own skin, thats the only way they will stop judging. Only insecure people will react that way xx

  • This is such an inspiring post doll! I really agree and we need to spread the word as much as possible. x

    Tania x

  • Completely agree. This is such a well written post and inspiring. It seems the society we live in now just judges more and so much harshly.

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