To The Girl Who Overcompensates


Let’s say it has been a while since you started dating him. At first, everything was going smoothly. He was the best thing you have ever seen and the best person you have ever been with. He gave you everything. He pursued you. He did his best to make you happy. If he could kiss the floor you walked on, he would.

And then days, months, seasons passed.

You notice how he much he has changed. You start thinking, maybe…just maybe he’s just past the honeymoon phase early, and that he’ll come around eventually. You just need to remind him every now and then how much you love him, how much you care about him, how much you want to be with him.

But no matter what you say to him, no matter how many times you show him your love, he seems to pull away.

What went wrong?

You ask yourself.

You begin to think that maybe, you’re not enough. You overthink to the point of mental exhaustion. You start spending your nights laying in bed, thinking about what else you could do for him, instead of what you could do for yourself.

Sometimes, it takes you a long time to realize that you have been overcompensating.

You were not supposed to chase him. That was his task…and you slowly took away that privilege by flipping the table.

Notice that in the beginning of your relationship, he was the one who did the pursuing. He did that because way back then, you were in total control of yourself…You were…until you proved him wrong.

So what really went wrong?

  1. You started giving him all of you, and you lost control of yourself.
  2. You switched from being an independent, sassy girl to a nice, sappy one.
  3. You took away his privileges to pursue you.
  4. You forgot that you had the power to control the situation.

It all really lies in your hands, my darling.

Stop overcompensating. Stop being the girl that gives and go back to being the girl that takes. Give him back the privilege to pursue and chase you.

Take control, but do it sneakily.

Let him know you have total control of yourself, but let him feel as though he has the power. Be a dumb fox, but use it to your advantage.

And most importantly, please love yourself. Make time for yourself. Don’t let him be the center of your universe.

~inspired by Sherry Argov. <3

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  • jbess

    Though I’m not one for partaking in the dating “game,” I do think there’s a balance that is necessary. It never hurts to take as much as you give.