boys voice

To All the Boys I Have Loved Before

by


Written by Ellaine Go


This is for you.
This is for you, Ali. You have been my puppy love. You taught me how to enjoy the simplest of the things in this world. You taught me how to love and live like a kid. You taught me how to be soft and be patient at all times. You were the one who introduced me into a world full of butterflies. You were the one who made me realize that life has always been about happiness and experience. I was 14 back then when I fell in love with you. You promised to love me forever and never let me feel blue. You have done a great job in trying to make me feel loved and appreciated. But Ali, you were the first one who broke my heart. You were the first one to let me know that we can dream bigger and let the simple things go. You were also the one who taught me how to grow and stop living like a kid. You were also the one who let me experienced anger and resentment. You were the one who taught me that the world will not always be full of butterflies, that sometimes there would be a lot of bees stinging around. Still, thank you and goodbye.

This is for you, Marco. You have been my first true love. I was 17 back then when I fell in love with you. You taught me how to be serious in a relationship. You taught me how to give all in because of love. You taught me how to fix a problem in a nice way. You taught me how to dream and plan. You taught me that love exceeds all things. You taught me how to break the rules and just live with it. You helped me get out of my comfort zone. But the greatest of them all was when you taught me how to happily let go of things. Of people. Let go of those who do not matter at all. It was a bittersweet memory. But Marco, you left me devastated. You taught me that sometimes it’s okay to cheat while in a serious relationship. You taught me how to love myself more than you. You taught me that not all problems has a solution that will work. You told me that not all my dreams would come true. You let me be free and disobey rules. You taught me how to shout at my parents for no reason at all. You taught me that life has no limits and that I should enjoy myself and seek more. You taught me that there are some things that I can let go and that I should never look back. You let me learn how to let you go. Thank you and goodbye Marco.

This is for you, Carlo. You have been my forbidden love for quite sometime. It was when Marco and I were still together. I was 21 back then when I fell in love with you. You taught me how to cry and express my feelings without having to worry about people’s opinions. You taught me how to do things freely without having to break the rules. You taught me how to love without conditions. You taught me that not all love should be reciprocated. You taught me how relationship works. You taught me the different kinds of relationship I can share with boys. I was really happy finally sharing a meaningful relationship with someone I love, until the day we first kissed. You were sorry you did it. But I said it’s okay cause I asked for it. You are my soulmate. You are someone I could wish for everyday of my life. But I am just a sister to you. We can never be together Carlo. It was really painful. You taught me everything that’s good about relationship but ours ended cause I did not incorporate what I learned. I am so sorry Carlo. Thank you and goodbye.

This is for you, Rick. You have been and will forever be my greatest love. I was 24 back then when I fell in love with you. You taught me how to be matured in a real relationship shared by two people in love. You taught me the harsh realities we may encounter. You taught me the consequences of falling in love. You taught me that love and life will not always be as beautiful as it seems. You taught me that people do not last in this world. You taught me that time flies so fast. You taught me how to turn my failures into learning experiences. You taught me how to not regret. You taught me how to keep myself always guarded. You taught me that there would be a lot of external forces that would let us be destroyed. You taught me that our relationship will not always be in harmony. But Rick, out of all those seemingly pessimistic things you have taught me, I can say that I bloomed into a fierce young lady. You taught me how to be strong in facing problems. You taught me that I cannot always win so I just have to enjoy and make memories. You taught me the pessimistic view of love, but the most important thing about it, is despite everything that you have told me, despite experiencing it first hand with me in our relationship, you never left me. You loved me. You stayed with me. I am sorry Rick, that I was the one who left you. Thank you and goodbye Rick.

*This is a work of fiction. Names are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.


Ellaine Go is a 22 year old Industrial Engineer. She loves to write musings and create hand-letterings. You can also  find her at ellainego.com.

  • Well thought out, poetry is such a lively move. I love to find blogs in this aspect. I am kind of new at this whole blog thing so could you please give me a follow, I write all kinds of random things, fun and depressing lol. Keep it up because your great!

  • Such a nice writing. Puppy love is always worth reminiscing. I enjoyed reading this. Thanks.

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