It is normal to feel so much grief when a relationship ends, especially when if it is a long-term relationship. It is normal to take time to move on. If it is hard to move on from a relationship that lasted for months, it isn’t easy to let go of someone you have been with for years. You have done so many things and have gone to many places with them.
It is difficult, but sometimes it is something you have to go through once or twice to find the right person to be with for the rest of your life. Maybe you are not meant to be together. Maybe that person is just designed a part of your life. Maybe you are meant to be but it isn’t the right time.
I was on the phone with a friend of mine who has just ended his long term relationship. He has been with his ex for seven years. We all thought they were meant to be. We envied their relationship. They were so great together. Everybody expected them to get married and have kids and that we were going to be cool aunts and uncles and godparents.
But things change. People change. Feelings change. Everything changes.
“Maybe we have outgrown each other. Maybe we got bored of ourselves that we also got bored of each other. Maybe we got fed up with each other’s bad sides no matter how much we tried to make things work. We loved each other ever so deeply, and now, I don’t know where that love went. She doesn’t love me anymore.”
My heart broke into million pieces as he said these lines word by word. He had always been a good guy. He had always been nice to everyone, most especially to her. He did everything to please her, to make her happy. And I know for a fact that she was grateful to have him.
The thing is, sometimes too much of something is too much. Maybe he gave too much and didn’t leave anything for himself. Maybe he sacrificed too much and she had enough.
I can’t blame both of them for drifting apart. He admitted he learned so much from being with her and I am sure she did the same.
It is sad and heartbreaking to end a relationship that started amazingly good. That is life. Most of the time relationships start right and end in the bad side. And when a relationship no longer brings good things into the table, and never improves no matter what effort is given, it is always best to let go.
As Autumn Kohler puts it,
“A bad relationship is like standing on broken glass. If you stay, you will keep hurting. If you walk away, you will hurt but you will heal.”