Rainy Day

It was raining the whole day today. Thunders and lightnings came simultaneously making my chest pound as hard as a stone.

I put on my white Gryffindor oversized sweater and sat on the couch. I had been sleeping on the couch for two weeks now because our bed didn’t feel too comfortable for me.

I was sad and I felt like the world was just too much for me to take in today. I listened to Boys Like Girls’ song Thunder on the background as I wrote this random diary of how my day went.

I was supposed to work for one of my clients today but it had been hard for me to find that motivation to write. 

This is what I don’t like about me as a writer sometimes. It gets hard for me to court my muse and find that drive to think when I feel lonely.
So I sent my client a message and told him I was sick due to flu. And while I actually felt sick, I didn’t really have a flu. I was just sick. And tired.

I deactivated my Sundown Diaries Instagram page today. I was not okay and my purpose in life suddenly became a blur.

It’s still raining outside tonight. My tears are flowing without any exact reasons. Sometimes I wonder why I feel this way. I wonder why I have to suffer with this feeling. And it’s really hard to figure out the answers when you’re all alone. When no one hears you. When no one listens. 

I have so many issues I am battling with on my own, and it’s hard. It’s very hard for me. I don’t know what to do sometimes. But I’m also proud of myself because eventhough things become too difficult and complicated, I still make it out alive. I am still able to lift myself up even when I have to do it on my own. It’s sad but I have to, for myself.