Out of Love


I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately. I’ve been trying not to because I know how frustrated this would make me. So many times I find myself coming to a conclusion that I should stop. We should stop…but then I also have this tendency to convince myself to give it a try, go with the flow and see where this will take me.
I find myself falling for the things I get to know about you day by day, and it is weird how I also fall for the things I haven’t known about you yet. I keep seeing the good and the best in you, and while I am not sure if this is a good thing to do, I have also been trying to discover the worst things about you. I want to be convinced that you, despite your almost-perfect qualities, also possess something dark and diabolical.
I want something to convince me that I do not and should not like you. I want to see something that would easily and immediately make me stop from getting close to you.
But then, I am failing…
I’ve seen the things I do not like about you, personality-wise, yet I am still drawn to you. I’ve come to like even the seemingly ugliest side of you.
You constrain my eudaimonia; yet you make my soul flourish.
You make my thoughts all rumbled up; yet you keep me sane.
You make my heart create its own fantasy-based reality; yet you are the reason my heart flutters like it has its own pair of wings every time.
A thousand miles…
That is all it has to take. I need air. I cannot breathe.
You’re getting too close.
I am getting too close.
We…are getting too close.
I am not liking the electric feeling that is radiating from you towards me across the pacific.
What do we call this? This isn’t love. It is too early to fall in love. But isn’t it also too early to fall out of love?

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