Long distance relationship is not for everyone, and that is a fact. But the basis of it working out does not primarily depend on the kind of relationship you have, but on what you do to make it work. How do you know you are doing things wrong then? In order to make something work, you need to have a good understanding of yourself first. Your ability to handle long distance relationships lies on how you deal with your own self.
So why do you suck at long distance relationships?
1. You do not think it will work out.
Pessimism, for me, is the main reason why relationships do not work out. You enter a relationship with the aim that it’s going to work out — whether it is a close distance relationship or an LDR. If you’re always thinking about the negative things, and you are always hung up on the idea that it is never going to work out, then it never really will. Having a positive outlook is the key to a healthy and happy relationship.
2. You only think of yourself and do not include the other person in your plans.
To be in a relationship with someone means to have someone as your partner-in-crime. You are committed to each other, and it’s a common understanding that you need to be there for each other even with the distance. Your LDR, just like close distance relationships, does not work out because you only think of yourself. Just because the other person is thousands of miles away, you have that notion that you only have to care for yourself, and so you start feeling like you are actually single. When this happens, you will have the tendency to not include your partner in your future plans since you are used to only planning for yourself.
To make LDR work, you have to plan and set clear and realistic goals. You need to have an end goal. You need to have an agreement that in the end, this is something you want, this is what you want to happen, that you want to be with him/her, that you do not see yourself with anyone other than him/her.
3. You do not put in extra effort.
You enter a relationship to find happiness with someone else, but it should not only be about you. The other person should not be the only one exerting effort and doing things to make you happy. You have to think of what will make him/her happy too, even when you’ve been together for a long time.
I think that some people start getting complacent and too comfortable as days and months go by. This is something that someone in an LDR should never ever let to happen. This affects not only LDRs, but also all kinds of relationships in general. When you start getting used to the person you are with, that person will have the tendency to feel neglected and that’s when doubts and lack of trust start to grow and dominate your relationship.
4. You do not see your relationship being apart as an opportunity to grow as an individual.
One good thing about LDR is that it is an opportunity for you to grow as an individual. You know and you are assured that you are with someone, yet that does not stop you to learn more about yourself and to grow. People think that when you are in this kind of relationship, there will always be something or someone who will hold you back from doing what you want, but that is not true. LDR actually lets you do what a single person can do. The only difference is, at the end of the day, you are still with someone. There is still that person on the other side of the world who are loving you and patiently waiting for you despite the oceans that separate you.
If you love someone so deeply that you cannot let him/her go, you will do anything for him/her even when this is not something you have imagined yourself doing. You will go anywhere to be with that person even when it isn’t something you have dreamed of.
For things to work out, you will need to evaluate yourself. Ask yourself if this is something you want. Ask yourself if s/he is the person you want to be with for a long haul. You need to have that feeling that s/he is the one meant for you, because if you are unsure, it is best to stop and let go. It is never a good thing to hold someone back from getting the happiness s/he rightfully deserves. We all deserve a happy and good relationship, and if you cannot give it to the person you are with, then you will never have it.