Dear Dad


Dear dad,

I don’t remember how you looked
When you first laid eyes on me
I don’t remember how you felt
When you first held me in your arms
I don’t remember what you said
the last time you closed your eyes
I don’t remember how much pain you felt
When you realized you would no longer see me grow up
I don’t remember few things
But I do remember a lot of memories we had
I remember how you picked me up
when I couldn’t get up from bed
I remember how you patted my back
While I dozed off
I remember how you sneaked up food mom didn’t want me to have
I remember how you let me cut my bangs up to the root
And how you used to braid my hair every single day before I went to school
I remember when you gave me fake coins because I wanted to buy myself Smarties
To teach me I couldn’t really always get what I want
I remember when you always sang “Di kan agsangsangit” everytime I cried
I remember when you taught me to always say “good morning” and “good night”
And to not forget to say “I love you”
And most of all,
I remember the last time I screamed and swore at you
Because it was also the last time I saw you
I am sorry
I remember a lot of things, dad
And I miss you terribly
I always wish you were still here
So I could tell you how much I love you
And so I have someone I could say “Happy Father’s Day” to once every year.

*Di Kan Agsangsangit is an Ilocano song that is usually sung when someone dies. My dad sang it to me everytime I was sad because he said it was as if someone died when I cried. The song means “Don’t Cry” in English.