Ten Things To Do Alone At Home When You Feel Depressed

I don’t believe in people who never get depressed. Every one of us experiences this once, twice, or even many times in our lifetime. Those who say they never experience it, I suppose, are those who we call “in-denials”. They don’t want to admit the reality that yes, we get depressed sometimes, and it’s okay.

I believe in people who get depressed, even those who seem to have it all but still don’t get satisfied with their life. I believe in crying without knowing the reason why. I believe in disconnecting from the world until you feel okay again. I believe in finding ways to feel better and be happier.

I get either a little depressed or way too depressed occasionally. It has become like a vice that I have a hard time to get rid of. I don’t know how to control it, but I still try to get away from it. I do things on my own. I find things to do to motivate myself to be in a better situation. And I want to take this chance to share the things I do with you, and hopefully, it can help you in the future, when you no longer know what to do.

TEN THINGS TO DO TO ALONE AT HOME AND MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU’RE DEPRESSED

1. Take a warm bath or a cold shower.

There’s nothing more relaxing and refreshing than a warm bath or a cold shower. If you were lucky to have a bath tub, fill it with warm water and a bath soap with a Jasmine, a Chamomile, or a Lavender scent. You can even have one with a minty scent. For added relaxation, light a scented candle, and just savor the moment.

If you’re unfortunate enough (what a depressing phrase) and don’t have a bath tub to soak yourself in, you can take a cold shower. It will refresh you and the water flowing down your body will take away all the bad emotions you are feeling.

2. Cry it all out in the shower.

You have to remember that it’s not that bad to cry. When I was young, I always thought that my dad didn’t care when he ignored me every time I was crying. Then he told me, he did that to let me know it was okay to cry and that sometimes people need it to get rid of the bad feelings we have in our chest. So when you feel depressed, just cry it all out. Let your tears cleanse your mind, heart, and soul. And then feel better afterward.

3. Listen to music you love.

There are people who do not really appreciate listening to music because it triggers a certain emotion out of them that they do not like. But if you’re one of the people who appreciate music, listen to songs that you love and ones you think will soothe the pain you are feeling inside you.

For me, I always listen to old songs when I am feeling down. Sometimes it makes me feel better. Sometimes it makes me feel worse because it reminds me so many unwanted memories. Hence, I recommend listening only to music that does not make you become nostalgic. Lately, I’ve been finding Latin music as a source of happiness. Maybe it’s because of the fact that I barely comprehend the lyrics and the tunes are always so uplighting. No matter what genre it is, listen to music that will help improve your mood.

4. Wear your favorite sweater and read a self-help book.

If it’s too hot, turn the AC on and wear your favorite sweater. When you feel very comfortable in what you’re wearing, you sometimes instantly feel better. If it’s also possible, try to put your sweater in the dryer to make it warm and then wear it.

Reading a self-help book also makes me feel better at times I am doubting myself. I’ve been reading this book about the habits highly effective people must possess. I would say it really helps me a lot in motivating myself to be a better person and achieve all the goals I have set for myself. It serves as a reminder that I can do things if I stay determined and dedicated to my goals.

5. Turn off your phone and disconnect.

Sometimes all you have to do is disconnect from the digital world because it can really get overwhelming. Sometimes it’s all too much to take in that you start feeling figuratively congested. When you start feeling that way, all you have to do is turn off your phone and disconnect for a little while.

6. Work out with dance music or learn a new dance.

This is one of my favorite things to do when I feel depressed. It instantly uplifts my mood. Working out and dancing are two good ways to release those happy hormones. What I do sometimes is, I do sit-ups and leg work while I listen to dance music. And then sometimes, I also think about learning a new dance. I’ve been trying to learn the samba lately. It’s a little hard teaching myself but thanks to YouTube, I think I am making some progress.

7. Do Karaoke.

Sing even when singing is naturally not for you, even when you were not born to have that golden voice. Sing your heart out in the karaoke. Stop caring about what other people will think of you when they hear your voice.

You’re very lucky if you are blessed to be a great singer, though. You can level this up by making covers like the ones people post on YouTube. I am a bad singer, I tell you. But I still post my videos for people to see sometimes to let people know that I do not need a special talent and be great at everything just to be able to express myself. Everyone can express themselves freely regardless of their talents and skills.

8. Satisfy your tummy with food you haven’t had in a while.

Nothing is more satisfying than eating delicious food. Treat yourself to a nice dinner or cook something you haven’t had in a long time. Don’t deprive yourself this one-time luxury.

9. Do random things like drawing cat whiskers on your cheeks or a sunflower on your arm and create outfit ideas by trying out the clothes in your wardrobe and taking photos of your outfits.

I like to do random things when I feel depressed. One of my favorites is drawing random stuff on my body and try to be cute. Who would even feel bad when they see whiskers drawn on their face or a sunflower on their arm? It may sound stupid because you have to wash and clean it afterwards, but at least it lightens up your mood. Another random thing I like to do is trying to mix and match the clothes I haven’t worn in a while. I just wear them and then take photos of them. Do not be scared to do stupid things. Sometimes the things we think are stupid are the ones that can actually help us.

10. Sleep early and wake up early.

My friends will always tell me, “Don’t stay in bed the whole day. It will make you feel more depressed.” And it is true. During the day, do the things I have listed above and make yourself preoccupied. Having these activities will then make you feel tired at night and will help you catch sleep early. Try to sleep early and wake up feeling refreshed the next day.

These are just simple things that help me get over my sporadic downtimes. It is something I really do not like because no one deserves to experience it. But I also think it serves as a challenge for us to become better.

Did this post help you learn something? Do you have other things to add to my list? Please feel free to leave a comment below. Thank you!

Fall in Love with the One Who Found You When You Couldn’t Find Yourself

I always tell myself…

Fall in love with yourself first.

But that line has long been kept and hidden in the depth of my consciousness.

When you’re so lost, even when you love yourself, you’re still lost.

That’s not going to change.

Until you open your eyes and realize who’s there for you when you’re busy focusing on yourself because you don’t know what to do.

So fall in love.

Not only with yourself.

But also with the one choosing to fall in love with you when you’re busy trying to learn how to love yourself.

Fall in love with someone.

Fall in love with the one who found you when you were lost.

Falling in love. Sometimes it’s easy. Sometimes it’s difficult. Sometimes it just happens. Sometimes it doesn’t happen at all.

But when you do fall in love, I hope you fall in love with the right one.

Fall in love with the one who found you when you were still lost. 

When you still can’t figure out yourself. 

When you still don’t know what you want. 

When you still have no idea what to do and how to do things.

Fall in love with the one who saw you first when you were vulnerable. 

The one who saw the tears in your eyes that night you curled up in the dark.

The one who knew what’s hurting you.

The one who always knew how to make things right and less painful.

Fall in love with the one who doesn’t leave whether you’re at your best or you’re at your worst.

The one who could always put a smile on your face when everything in this world seems to be conspiring against you.

The one who would be willing to be your life support.

The one who would always make sure they’ve got your back.

Fall in love with the one who would always choose you, choose to love you, choose to be with you.

Because being with you is not just for convenience.

It’s not just for company.

But also because it is the only choice that would make that other person happy.

Fall in love. Even when you think you’re just romanticizing.

Even when you think you’re better off alone.

Even when you think it’s enough to just love yourself.

Fall in love even when you think it is the wrong time to do so.

Because darling, it’s only wrong timing when it’s with the wrong person.

But with the right person, there’s never a wrong time.

A Woman’s Body Is Her Own Empire That’s Not For You To Be In Charge Of

This is for you who saw that woman not wearing a bra in the video she posted on her social media account. This is for you who blatantly judged her and called her a ‘famewhore’. This is for you who liked all the negative comments about her and said nasty things that you know would make her feel bad and make everyone like you feel better.

I feel bad for you.

This is for you who saw that photo of a naked, overweight woman whom you called a living ‘disaster’. This is for you who laughed at her for exposing her body to the world. You have no idea how much strength and courage it took for her to be able to do that and be confident in her own skin.

My heart breaks for you.

This is for you who ran into your very skinny female friend somewhere, and shamelessly commented about her eating disorder. This is for you who needs to know that being skinny doesn’t always correlate to anorexia or bulimia. This is for you who needs more education about life.

My brain wants to explode for you.

This is for you who saw photos of me in black and white, with only a small object to cover my chest. This is for you who think my clothes are too short, and that I should cover my body more. This is for you who is against my freedom to be able to wear whatever I feel comfortable in. This is for you who instantly come to a conclusion that I wasn’t raised well, that I need Jesus in my life, because I clearly am a liberated woman.

This is for you parents, sons and daughters who don’t understand the right we enjoy and the freedom of expressing our femininity by what we wear and do not wear.

Cheers! I don’t give a fork about you, but please keep reading.

One of my favorite female activist, Emily Ratajkowsky, wrote a comprehensive essay about the body shaming and the importance of being able to freely express a female’s sexuality. She wrote:

“I see my naked body in the mirrors of all the places I’ve lived, privately dressing, going through my morning routine. I get ready for my day as one of my many roles in life — student, model, actress, friend, girlfriend, daughter, businesswoman. I look at my reflection and meet my own eyes. I hear the voices reminding me not to send the wrong message. And what is that message exactly? The implication is that to be sexual is to be trashy because being sexy means playing into men’s desires. To me, “sexy” is a kind of beauty, a kind of self-expression, one that is to be celebrated, one that is wonderfully female. Why does the implication have to be that sex is a thing men get to take from women and women give up? Most adolescent women are introduced to “sexy” women through porn or Photoshopped images of celebrities. Is that the only example of a sexual woman we will provide to the young women of our culture? Where can girls look to see women who find empowerment in deciding when and how to be or feel sexual? Even if being sexualized by society’s gaze is demeaning, there must be a space where women can still be sexual when they choose to be.”

— Ratajkowsky 2016, Baby Woman

The female body is a work of art. Skinny, plus size, average, no matter what size it is — it is a beauty that anyone should take time to recognize and appreciate regardless of its flaws. Unfortunately, while some may understand, not all of us are innately appreciative of it.

The body of a woman goes through many stages until it reaches its peak and its ultimate form. And as a woman myself, I value my sexual freedom very well. When I say sexual freedom, I am talking about me being able to fully appreciate my body, feel sexy in my own skin and express my sexuality in a way that doesn’t violate other people. If one’s nakedness violate your morality or your humanity, you also have the freedom to close your eyes, shut your mouth or isolate yourself.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family, but it doesn’t mean I was raised out of love and care. I was raised very well despite the fact that my parents weren’t always around. At a very young age, I was already very much conscious of how I wanted to express myself to the world. I already knew what I wanted people to see and perceive me as, and how I should let them know I didn’t really give a fuck about what they would think of it.

I wanted people to see me as a human being who grew up being able to be myself and to express my sexuality in a way that diminishes the idea that to be a good woman, one should be careful about exposing her skin to the society. I have to admit that I am never perfect. My body isn’t perfectly flawless.

I am skinny, but I have curves. I am flat-chested, but my clavicle shows off great. I got a small ass, but at least it’s round and a little stuffed. I don’t have an eating disorder. In fact, I eat a lot but never gain weight. I try to be healthy and strong by eating healthy food and by doing little sports.

Other than that, I have always liked wearing cropped tops, short shorts, body fit short dresses, and backless tops and those with low necklines. Since I live in a tropical country that doesn’t really get too cold, I don’t have to wear long and thick clothes. My family and friends would always make fun of me and ask, “Why do you even bother wearing anything?” I used to take their comments very seriously, but now, I just laugh at them every time since I have already made them understand that these are the kinds of clothing I am very much comfortable in.

“I think of women in their workplaces worrying about how their sexuality might accidentally offend, excite, or create envy. I think of mothers trying to explain to their daughters that while it wasn’t their fault, they should cover up next time.”

— Ratajkowsky 2016, Baby Woman

I remember one time, I was wearing high waist shorts that almost showed off my underbutt. I went out with a couple of colleagues to get some food. On our way out, I was catcalled by a bunch of passersby. My colleagues were surprised that I wasn’t affected at all. One of them even asked, “Those guys were catcalling you because of your shorts, and you didn’t even react?”

Well, I did react by not reacting to it. I ignored it, not because I didn’t feel wronged at all, but because I was already aware of the fact that not everyone had an open mind. Not everyone would understand that I have this innate desire to feel comfortably sexy all the time and it doesn’t give everyone the permission or the title to get something out of me just because I want to appear the way I am.

And I don’t really have to explain myself. I feel sexy and I want to be sexy for myself. Being sexy in my own way is my way of pulling in confidence into myself. It is my way of getting rid of all my insecurities every day. It doesn’t mean you have the right to tell me what to do and not to do, to comment on how I dress or to voice out your opinion about me being an attention-seeking woman. I don’t dress for you, and most importantly, I can get naked whenever I want and it’s not for you or for anyone else.

As a matter of fact, I enjoy being naked when I am alone. It’s not because I want someone to catch me completely exposed. It doesn’t mean I want someone to insult me or even, to sexually assault me. It’s because I feel something within myself — a certain power that makes me feel better and makes me say to myself that, “hey, I have this body, it’s not perfect, but I am very proud of it.”

I used to think so much about what my friends would think about me. I used to care so much about what my best friends’ parents would say when they see me barely wearing anything. I knew some parents who stopped talking to me and even blocked me on social media because they couldn’t take me or handle how outspoken I am about almost everything. But now, I don’t really care so much anymore. I have come a long way. I have been through a lot. I was mostly alone my entire life, but my parents raised me well. I have never committed a crime. I am a good person regardless of how I expose myself to the society.

I am aware of the fact that not everyone is open to the idea of freely expressing yourself, your thoughts or your sexuality, but you also need to understand that while there are people like you, who think that when someone looks sexy in public, they want to be sexualised or that “they are asking for ‘it’, there are also those people who will never care about what you and other people think and say. There are people who feel sexy and they are comfortable about it. And you are not allowed to take that right away from them.

If you want to stay conservative or traditional, I am, not judging you. Stay the way you are and let others do what they are comfortable doing without judging them back.

one-sided love


Read Emily’s Essay via this link.

Featured image source.

Being Cool Doesn’t Always Guarantee Happiness and Stability

Being cool doesn’t always guarantee happiness and stability…especially when you’re faking it.

This is something I have realized a few failed relationships after. I have always been the cool girl. And when I say ‘cool girl’, I am referring to that type of girl who would let you do anything you want and wouldn’t care or worry so much about it. You want to date that other girl while you’re dating me? Sure. Just don’t let me see you both doing ‘it’. You want to check that girl out? Okay. But don’t talk to me about it. You want to cancel our date for another ‘meeting’? Sure. But I don’t want to hear about it later.

Earlier last year, I was in a not-so-serious relationship that lasted for three months. It was a semi-long distance, interracial, non monogamous relationship. If you asked me my relationship status during that time, I wouldn’t say I had a boyfriend, but I also wouldn’t say I did. I had…probably what I would call, a playmate…just because he has been playing with me all along. I was this close to saying I had a partner, but he wasn’t even close to being a partner. With him, even when we were physically together, I had always felt like I was a lone wolf in the desert.

I gotta admit this though, I didn’t like playing games. In my mind, I was too old to even think about stuff like that. To me, games were for juveniles, and I had worked and persevered enough to train myself to think and live like an adult. Other than that, my mom had always been behind me pushing me forward and reminding me that I am getting old and that I should be thinking about my future kids.

I can imagine my granny telling me “Diana, you’re only twenty-four, relax!” Every time my mom puts so much pressure on me, she always tells me to relax. And isn’t it weird how you get even more stressed out and feel more pressure when someone tells you that? It’s depressing.

But anyway, my three-month ‘short’ relationship had taught me so many things about life despite the negativities it also brought me. It may had triggered bad memories from my past and had made me scared of having a relationship with any heterosexual males (lol), but it wasn’t so bad after all. I had learned to face my fears alone, to stand on my own feet, to keep walking, to not just survive, but to live like it’s my freaking birthday every single day.

I had my ups and downs. I still do, especially now that my depression, which I thought has already vanished, has been floating in the air for me to touch and breathe in. I have the tendency to be in unhealthy relationships. I am now at a point where I am starting to think I attract people who don’t see my worth or people who take me for granted, so every time someone shows me unconditional love and makes me feel like I am worthy of the best things in life, I feel overwhelmed so much so that I slowly let myself drift away.

In my early years, I used to be in relationships with people younger than me. There were even times I was in multiple relationships all at the same time. That was because I wanted to be the dominant one. I wanted to be able to say, “Hey, I am older than you and I am more experienced so shut up and listen, child” every time I witnessed something that was unfavorable to me. I wanted to be able to use my metal hands to suffocate all boys I was with and make their lives a living hell.

But then my life turned upside down when I started becoming an actual adult doing actual adult stuff. It was stressful at first. I wasn’t too ready to grow up. But then, I also realized that one reason why people I was with never took me seriously was because I also took myself for granted. I thought that if I was the cool girlfriend, my partner would love me more. But the truth is, the more I let them think I was cool, the more they thought it was okay to step on me. And the more they pushed me over and over and over, the more I became unhappy and mentally unstable.

So now I am getting rid of the ‘cool’ me. And I’ll do my very best to be ‘just me’. There will be no more games. I’ll never say ‘okay’ again when I feel like things are not okay. I’m no longer gonna force myself to like things I don’t like. And if I ever be cool again, it’s because I’m genuinely cool, and not faking it.

Someday Somewhere, You Will Find Yourself

Someone told me that the person you will love more and the person who will love you more are not always the same person. If you ever have to choose between the two, always choose the one who loves you more. As time will go by and you, as a woman, have the innate capacity to learn to love that person as much as he will love you

But there is more to life than finding someone to love or someone to love you. You just need to remember that…

Someday somewhere, someone will find you and that person will turn your life upside down. You will never be asked and be forced to change anything in yourself, but you will be a better person. You will learn to love and be loved without expecting too much or anything in return. You will forget any bad experiences that happened in the past, and you will learn to forgive people you have never thought you could forgive.

Everything will be easy with this person. Everything you thought you have always wanted, you won’t want anymore, and everything you have never aspired to have will be your greatest achievement. You might not even recognize it at first. But… Someday somewhere, you and that person will stumble upon each other’s existence and you will want to be together for as long as you both breathe.

Maybe that person will spill coffee on your shirt, accidentally like your Instagram photo, unconsciously swipe you right and you will match. Maybe that person will be doing the same thing as you, maybe you will be in a grocery store and you will run out of cash, but he will be there next to you in line to save you.

Maybe you have already met. Maybe he was your playmate back in kindergarten, maybe he was a high school heartthrob who always walked past you and ignored you because your hair was crazy and you looked unnoticeable. Maybe you also ignored that person that one time he asked you for directions because you thought he was creepy. Who knows?

Someday somewhere, you will realize that there is more to life than finding someone to love and someone to love you. Life is not all about getting sad for being alone on Valentine’s Day or having no one to kiss on New Year’s Eve.

There is more to life and that includes focusing on yourself, having a positive attitude, and learning to see and accept when things, feelings and people are unreal.

Someday somewhere, you will not only find someone to love you and someone to love, you will find yourself, and that is precious.