On Turning 25: My Birthday Wishlist

Hello, again! Have you read my previous post about my fifteen birthday wishes yet? I hope you read it first before reading this one since this one is totally different than the other one. I actually thought about merging this and the other post earlier, but I realized how completely opposites they were, so I just decided to separate them.

I sometimes have those ‘in-denial’ phase in my life where I refuse the call of capitalism and decide not to patronize any products of it. However, I am just human, and as I have said in my previous post, I also have the tendency to like the things I can never have. Well, maybe I can if I work hard to get them. So here they are! My wishlist for my birthday!

  1. Pandora Rose Rings. 
  2. Cute swimwear.
  3. More self-help books.
  4. The Fred and Far self-love ring.
  5. Chokers!
  6. Return tickets to Maldives, Hawaii or to NYC.
  7. Theme park visits.
  8. A complete makeup kit from Mac.
  9. New bottle of my Angel by Thierry Mugler perfume.
  10. More boots! I love high heeled leather boots. I have six pairs and I want more!

And that’s my wishlist. I don’t really need anyone to grant my wishes for me. You see, I have actually gotten the Pandora ring and I don’t need to get all these things at the same time. I’m going to work really, really hard to get them before I turn 26 next year. I am inspired and motivated. I know I can do it! Also, I always try to have this mindset: Physical Presence Over Physical Possessions. The presence of my loved ones, or my presence in their lives is much more important than any other possessions. Do you agree? Let me know in the comment section below!

Thank you for reading!

My birthday is on the 25th, don’t forget to greet me! <3

On Turning 25: My Wishes, Dreams and Motivation

On my birthday, I don’t really celebrate getting a year older. I celebrate being able to get through another year of sacrifices, challenges, shortcomings, heartaches and many more. I have made lots of mistakes in my 24th year, but I also know that these mistakes have helped shaped me into who I am now. I’ve learned my lesson, and I’ll do my best never to make the same mistakes again.

I have so many wishes for my 25th birthday — wishes that are pure and significant in my life.

Nowadays, people seem to think it’s okay to give someone they love material things in exchange for their presence. So when they ask us about what we wish for, they usually expect us to mention an object we want for ourselves.

But we can’t blame them because sometimes we do not know how to communicate what we want. If only we can tell the people we love that we wish for their presence more than the physical things they can give. If only we can do that.

I can’t. I’m scared to let my loved ones know what I really want because I’m also scared of disappointment. I don’t want to expect anything just to get disappointed later. However, I still have come up with things I wish for my birthday. I’m going to divide it into two categories: first, the nonmaterial things and second, the material things. I will start with the nonmaterial things with which I have fifteen wishes:

  1. I wish that my grandma lives longer so I get to spend more time with her, to take care of her and give back to her.
  2. I wish that my mom stays healthy and happy despite being far away from me. I wish that she loves me and understands me more now that I am an adult.
  3. I wish that the people I love will be proud to have me in their lives, that they appreciate my presence and that they’re happy just seeing me.
  4. I wish for more self-love, contentment, and happiness on my own.
  5. I wish to go back to doing the things I used to enjoy like dancing and blogging, and never stop doing it.
  6. I wish for more tan in my skin…for more sun and sand…for more coconut juice and basically for more beach life.
  7. I wish to be more successful in my chosen career so I wouldn’t have to decide to stop and go back to doing the things I didn’t like doing.
  8. I wish to read more books that will help me in becoming a better me.healing court muse
  9. I wish for my romantic relationship to grow into a stronger and healthier one.
  10. I wish for my partner to never stop being the best partner in the world…I wish that his patience will never run short, that he never gets tired taking care of me and understanding me in times I can’t understand myself and that he always loves me even when I have a hard time expressing my feelings.
  11. I wish for my best friends’ happiness. I wish that even when I’m not around, they are able to survive without feeling lonely…that they always have their lips curved upwards and never give up on their dreams.
  12. I wish for my grandma’s, my sister’s and my mom’s happiness. I wish that they find contentment in whatever they have now and make the most out of things.
  13. I wish to move on from the past…to forget my dad’s nightmare and to forgive the ones responsible for it.
  14. I wish to grow more as an individual, to stay happier and healthier, to never stop reaching for the stars, to always know my worth and value myself, to never forget that I am good enough.
  15. And lastly, I wish that the people I love will have more presence in my life. I wish that they connect with me more, that they interact with me, share with me both their sadness and joy, and let me help them with their shortcomings.

To complete my 25 wishes, I will also write other things I really wish for but not necessarily need to have. Read it here (click me)! It’s all just material things that are not very important, but since I am just human, I also desire things I cannot have sometimes. Haha! What do you think of my first fifteen wishes? I hope I get them all. They’re not very difficult, after all, right? Thanks for reading!

Gift Ideas — DIY Dream Catcher

Are you running out of ideas on what to give your special someone, your friend or a member of your family? Don’t worry. I got you covered. LOL. I sounded like a TV promoter/advertiser. 😀

Anyways, it’s that time of the year where everyone is giving everyone something, you know, for Valentines Day and all that. So I have decided to share something I recently did. I just thought gifts help make a relationship better. But I don’t know. (Any thoughts?)

I have always been obsessed with dream catchers. Who wouldn’t be, though? Dream catchers are so pretty and so meaningful. They convey a meaning that’s very important for those who believe in its power to fight bad dreams AKA nightmares.

So I started learning how to make my own dream catchers from scratch. All I needed were hoops, feathers, strings and some beads. I’m not going to teach you how to make it, alright. I’m just here to give you ideas and to show you my photos. Haha! So here is my dream catcher. It’s not mine anymore since I have gifted it to my loved one.

To make it look even more special, I wrote a poem for him and put everything in a pretty box that I actually just bought from the bookstore. What a lucky guy! 😛

If you want to make your own dream catcher, you know there’s Google (try it, hahaha) and Pinterest. I learned to make dream catchers by watching videos and studying photos on Pinterest! Here is a helpful guide for you: for 35 DIY Dream Catcher Ideas and for easy tutorials.

Let me know what you’re thinking by commenting below! Feel free to waste your time by clicking the like button and sharing this post, too. Thanks! 😛

Love, A Scary Thing to Have

Love is something that brings out your fear, even when you’re that kind of person who is never scared of anything. But when you fall in love, you suddenly have something to be afraid of. You’ll be afraid you have something to lose. You’ll be afraid you lose the love you’ve long been yearning for.

I am scared, and this is a feeling that has never left me since a long time ago, right before I met him. It’s not about something he did because I can assure you that he’s so close to being perfect. If God does exist, He must love me very much because He has given me such an amazing man to love me in his behalf. This man has never done anything that would make me feel bad, and that I am the only one who is actually giving myself a hard time.

I have never had a healthy relationship before — not even the close-distance relationships I had could be considered healthy for me. And here he is, proving me that there’s still someone out there — someone like him — who could give me the love I deserve and could help make my life better than it ever was.

In the past, I had yet to feel anything I could describe as love. I had no good experience with it, and how it should have felt. I was always the one to go with the flow that the other person in the relationship wanted. I didn’t want to push at all for fear of pushing too far and ruining it.

With him now, the fear still remains, but it is the kind of fear that motivates me to stay with him and to do everything to keep him.

I am scared, but I am happy.

In fact, I am the happiest I have ever been.

Yet I am still scared. I am really, really scared.

I am so scared of falling deeper because I have a feeling that while everything seems so right, we’re still not meant for each other. We live in different worlds. He’s heaven while I am hell. He’s the sky while I am the Earth people step on. He’s the rainbow and I am the hurricane that destroys everything. I am everything he has never dreamt of while growing up, and he deserves better.

I am having a crisis inside my heart, but no matter how many times I think about letting go, my love for him still gets stronger day by day. Sometimes I feel myself grasping for air, and I can’t breathe, but my heart continuously holds on. I still hold on to the idea that he is still here with me no matter how many times I have tried to push him away.

I think of the fact that if he doesn’t want to be with me, he could have left me by now and never talked to me again. And he is still here putting up with the sporadic mood changes and bad attitude I exhibit from time to time. He is still here making sure that I am reminded of how talented and smart I am, and that I am the best person he has ever met.

In secret, I have a very low self-esteem. This may have caused by the painful things I have been through in the past. I should be thankful that I still have him in my life. I should feel lucky that he loves me, and he makes sure that I don’t only hear the words, but that I can also feel it too.

And I am…

I am extremely grateful to have him in my life because through him, I am able to love sincerely again. I am thankful because he loves me back, and in exchange, I promise to be strong enough not to let go of him. I promise myself to keep loving him even when I feel like losing love for myself. I promise to continuously hold on no matter what happens, no matter how long the distance is, no matter how long it takes for us to be together again.

So what is the point of writing these things down?

I just want everyone to know that being scared is okay. It is alright to have fears because fears make us stronger and braver. The fears we have are what drives us to become a better person, a better lover.

I wish not to ever fail in letting him know how much I love him, even when I get tired, sad, lonely, empty and lifeless. He may not deserve to be with me because he deserves the best, but he deserves to know that he is loved and that someone across the ocean is staying strong for him.

This Thinking Space

I imagine myself being in the middle of a rice field. Alone, listening to the noisy sound of rice stalks swaying with the wind.

I no longer recognize myself. I don’t recognize this place — this place that has become a big part of me. This has been my thinking space where I seek comfort from. When I feel happy, I come here and emanate the happiness I get to feel. When I feel sad, I am more likely to confide in this tiny virtual space to let all my bad feelings out.

So many things have happened and changed in the past six months — most of it I found great. Because of that, I have forgotten that I have this space to run to if ever things don’t go the way I want it. I try to always be happy and to be grateful for everything I have, but sometimes, I also have days when I just don’t feel like living at all. It’s like…it is so hard to live, I just want to take a break and forget I exist.

Today I woke up sad and really empty. Maybe it had something to do with a dream that I could barely remember but I just knew I had to cry it out.

I’ve been feeling alone and to avoid being depressed, I run to people I love and care about to in search for happiness. I am aware that in order to be truly happy, you should start with yourself. But you know what’s sad? It’s when you know that it isn’t helping you at all, and that you feel like you are not allowed to feel how you feel.

I am not always this lonely and depressed. As I have mentioned a couple of times already, I want to be happy, and I want to inspire everyone to be always positive. But there is this part of me that comes out once in a while…this part of me that I can get rid of.

I feel jaded, and all I want to do is hold the people that makes me happy close to my heart. Unfortunately, not everyone I love understands the way I am, and when things go down the drain, I always end up feeling abandoned in a rice field. But right now, I have found this thinking space again. I am here alone, and I appreciate this solitary moment I get to have. I will get past this phase, and I will be okay again.