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An Open Letter to The One That Got Away

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My love.
Life has been tough for the both of us. I am tired. And I know you are tired. You have slowly drifted away from me and we have grown apart.
We are both lost and confused. We do not know where we are heading. The promises we have made have now turned into broken stones. The dreams we have woven in our head together and the goals we have set for us to achieve hands in hands have now become a piece of memory that has seemed to be forever kept in the depths of our hearts.
I love you…so much.
And I will forever love you.
I miss you a lot these days.
I miss waking up to your smile and you constantly asking me if I slept well at night.
I miss your "good mornings."
I miss the way you wrap your big arms around my tiny, quivering body…the way you hold me close to your chest, my warm morning breath against your neck and your soft lips planted on my forehead.
I miss your quick goodbyes when you leave our "home" every day to go to work I know you dread so much. I know that if you only had a chance, you would rather stay by my side and cuddle the whole day without worrying or being anxious that we might not be able to live the next day.

I miss the food you make for me and I miss making food for you.

I miss your subtle kisses, your wholesome touches, as well as your passionate advances.

I miss the way you look at me as though you could never love another.

I miss the times you would tell me I was the best because I take good care of you, whether you're sick, drunk or just sober and making things up.

I miss seeing your funny dances and weird faces when you know I am sad.

I miss your random text messages and video calls while you take a break from work and you're on the street buying some food or drinks, or when you're on your way back home…your way back to me.

Because I have been your home and you have been my home.

We have been each others' home.
And we have failed to notice how we have grown too comfortable with each others' presence that the things we used to do for each other, the things that used to make both of us happy, have now become invaluable.

My love…
I miss you terribly and it has been hard.
It has always been hard for both of us.
The only difference between then and now is that…
Back then, it was only the physical distance that separates us.
Now…
There's emotional distance between us.
It has only been more than a week but I am still longing. I am longing for you, my love.
I am not going to ask you to stay because I want you to find your way. I want you to find your happiness even if it means not sharing that happiness with me.
I want you to find your purpose.
I want you to discover what else is there for you in life.
I want you to love yourself, to feel secure and confident with yourself.
I want you to pray even when you don't believe in what it can do for you.
I want you to work on yourself while I work on mine.
Please focus on yourself and don't keep making the same mistakes.
I want you to be better, not for me, but for you.
My love,
I want you to know that I will always be here for you. Even when we stop communicating every day…even when we no longer see each other…even when we start loving another.
I want you to know that you are my angel. Despite your flaws, your doubts, your pessimism…I will always see the best in you. I accept all of you. I forgive you.
And in the end,
I still hope you find your way…your way back to me. I love you. I always will.

Even when you start telling me you don't love me anymore. I still always do.

Maybe in two weeks, in two months or in two years, we would have moved on. But I don't ever want to look forward to the day we both find another person to love. 

Because for me, my love, you are irreplaceable.

  • Subrahmanyam Pulipaka

    Wish things didn’t go away the way they were. Very well written.

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